Rebuilding....
What a day....I am really pissed right now...or maybe not pissed, but agitated or just frustrated for lack of a better word with friends. I just find that I figure that if I spend my time to chill with them, and put aside stuff to go chill with them, I would figure that I'd get the same back in return. Granted, I don't always go out with them, and sometimes I don't feel like going, but I still do go. Not all friends have been making me feel this way.
All right, this starts on July 6th. I play tennis with my friend Kaymi, and yeah, we walk my lil puppy. We stop by J.V.'s house and he mentions something about going to shoot pool. Well, I take my time to call up people and ask them to go shoot pool. Some wnat to, some don't. My friend Chen then brings up the possibility to go to the driving range. So I call people and ask if they want to go. Everyone seems like they want to go, just later. J.V. is all ready shooting pool with his friend, and later Van, Chen and I go too. I just go to chill because I am not much of a pool player. It turns out that everyone decided they did not want to go shoot pool or driving range. They planned to go there the next day.
Next day rolls along, and they go to the driving range. Except I wasn't there. I get a call from Chen and he tells me that they are all ready almost there. So if I wanted to go I would have to call John La, who would be rolling out soon. I just found that to be messed up. I called up everyone, and yet, I am the one who gets left behind. I had no car to get down there, and I did not feel like going anymore. I just wanted to go and spend time with my friends. Go and chill with them, so I mention to go do anything. Pretty cool how they go and do it...and I don't. Another thing proving that things freaking change...even if you like it or not. I know that this is one time, and we prolly will go to driving range anotehr time, but the fact is, all i wanted to do was to hang out, have fun....just like we used to do. That is why I go out with them, and go to places that I don't even feel like going sometimes. I went to shoot pool with them, and I don't even paly pool anymore...it was teh fact that they left all ready and called me when they were almost there. Didn't even ask if I had a ride or anything...just left without me. I guess I am just trying too hard to hold on to the past. And I am getting left behind in it as well...
I am still angry about that, but I am more hurt. I've been ditched before in the past, and I really hate that feeling. I understand that people have their own lives. I have my own too, whether you believe that I do or not. Work and daily errands can cause you to become tired and everything. It's jsut that I don't feel like I get back the friendships I put out. I mean friendship is a two way street. You give and you recieve. I just think that I am giving too much and not recieveing much in return.
On a happier note, I am trying to rebuild my friendships with people. I say rebuild, but it was never broken. It was just that I distanced myself from everyone after what had happened to Roy, that I had lost touch with many of them. It is pretty cool to jsut have one on one talks with your friends. Jeni and I had a late night Carrow's run. We went there and ate, but more importantly we caught up on things with eachother. This doesnt seem like much, but we don't do taht really taht often. She was one of the people who was there for me no matter what. And she was someone who made sure I was feeling better after everything that happened. We lose touch, but we never lsoe sight of the friendship. We played tennis, and had fun.
Rosa and I went job hunting. We talked and stuff, but mainly messed around like we always do. We went around teh Puente Hills mall and the Montebello mall and applied for jobs and asked for applications. We drifted apart as well, but we always find a way to rebuild.
Julie Kim....I have known her for so long now, and I have yet to meet her. She only lives in Diamond Bar, and I am willing to drive over there to meet her, but somehow she never picks up the phone when I call her. She is suppose to let me borrow Breakfast at Tiffany's, but despite my tries of calling, she jsut doesn't answer. And that makes me feel like I am not a good friend or something and she is avioding me. We talk online, sure, but everything jsut seems so hard.
I know I bitch and complain, but times are really hard for me now. I thought I'd be better. But every little thing is just another reminder about how fragile friendships are. All you do is rebuild with someone. Even when things don't go wrong. I can't help but to bitch or complain. I want everything to be normal...back like it used to be...easier. I understand taht I am not perfect as well. I am not the perfect friend. I made some choices or decisions that prolly pissed my freinds off. Friendships are never meant to be perfect. They are like relationships. They can feel like the greatest thing in the world, and they can make you feel really crappy. You will smile and you will argue. When there is an argument, you gotta fight it, and make sure that it works out. Not just let it slip. There is a saying, "In the end, everything is okay. If everything is not okay, it's not the end." And my frienships aren't over...they are just...rebuilding.
Diana....I still miss you....
All right, this starts on July 6th. I play tennis with my friend Kaymi, and yeah, we walk my lil puppy. We stop by J.V.'s house and he mentions something about going to shoot pool. Well, I take my time to call up people and ask them to go shoot pool. Some wnat to, some don't. My friend Chen then brings up the possibility to go to the driving range. So I call people and ask if they want to go. Everyone seems like they want to go, just later. J.V. is all ready shooting pool with his friend, and later Van, Chen and I go too. I just go to chill because I am not much of a pool player. It turns out that everyone decided they did not want to go shoot pool or driving range. They planned to go there the next day.
Next day rolls along, and they go to the driving range. Except I wasn't there. I get a call from Chen and he tells me that they are all ready almost there. So if I wanted to go I would have to call John La, who would be rolling out soon. I just found that to be messed up. I called up everyone, and yet, I am the one who gets left behind. I had no car to get down there, and I did not feel like going anymore. I just wanted to go and spend time with my friends. Go and chill with them, so I mention to go do anything. Pretty cool how they go and do it...and I don't. Another thing proving that things freaking change...even if you like it or not. I know that this is one time, and we prolly will go to driving range anotehr time, but the fact is, all i wanted to do was to hang out, have fun....just like we used to do. That is why I go out with them, and go to places that I don't even feel like going sometimes. I went to shoot pool with them, and I don't even paly pool anymore...it was teh fact that they left all ready and called me when they were almost there. Didn't even ask if I had a ride or anything...just left without me. I guess I am just trying too hard to hold on to the past. And I am getting left behind in it as well...
I am still angry about that, but I am more hurt. I've been ditched before in the past, and I really hate that feeling. I understand that people have their own lives. I have my own too, whether you believe that I do or not. Work and daily errands can cause you to become tired and everything. It's jsut that I don't feel like I get back the friendships I put out. I mean friendship is a two way street. You give and you recieve. I just think that I am giving too much and not recieveing much in return.
On a happier note, I am trying to rebuild my friendships with people. I say rebuild, but it was never broken. It was just that I distanced myself from everyone after what had happened to Roy, that I had lost touch with many of them. It is pretty cool to jsut have one on one talks with your friends. Jeni and I had a late night Carrow's run. We went there and ate, but more importantly we caught up on things with eachother. This doesnt seem like much, but we don't do taht really taht often. She was one of the people who was there for me no matter what. And she was someone who made sure I was feeling better after everything that happened. We lose touch, but we never lsoe sight of the friendship. We played tennis, and had fun.
Rosa and I went job hunting. We talked and stuff, but mainly messed around like we always do. We went around teh Puente Hills mall and the Montebello mall and applied for jobs and asked for applications. We drifted apart as well, but we always find a way to rebuild.
Julie Kim....I have known her for so long now, and I have yet to meet her. She only lives in Diamond Bar, and I am willing to drive over there to meet her, but somehow she never picks up the phone when I call her. She is suppose to let me borrow Breakfast at Tiffany's, but despite my tries of calling, she jsut doesn't answer. And that makes me feel like I am not a good friend or something and she is avioding me. We talk online, sure, but everything jsut seems so hard.
I know I bitch and complain, but times are really hard for me now. I thought I'd be better. But every little thing is just another reminder about how fragile friendships are. All you do is rebuild with someone. Even when things don't go wrong. I can't help but to bitch or complain. I want everything to be normal...back like it used to be...easier. I understand taht I am not perfect as well. I am not the perfect friend. I made some choices or decisions that prolly pissed my freinds off. Friendships are never meant to be perfect. They are like relationships. They can feel like the greatest thing in the world, and they can make you feel really crappy. You will smile and you will argue. When there is an argument, you gotta fight it, and make sure that it works out. Not just let it slip. There is a saying, "In the end, everything is okay. If everything is not okay, it's not the end." And my frienships aren't over...they are just...rebuilding.
Diana....I still miss you....
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