April 2nd. The day of the Wake...coincidentally is the same day as my birthday. What fun. It's really ironic how on the same day we are celebrating a birth, yet also mourning a death. Life is messed up... Lately emotions have been taking over..this day came too quick...and lately, I have been trying to play it off as if everything is normal. Not good, because I tried to patch things up with Cindy and Candy, only to have felt useless and worthless. (maybe you were right, Roy, I am useless) And now I think my Giggleberri is mad at me. Life is fucked up... I don't think I can pretend any longer...I want to talk, but I also don't want to...I was never brought up to let out or show my feelings...and the occasion when I did, it was to Roy. Now he is gone, and who will I tell? I know many people say that they are there for me and if I want to talk, they'll be there to listen...but where were you all before this happened? Kinda fucked up to know that it takes something horrible to happen in order for people to be there for you. Life is short... I am mad, sad, frustrated, pissed off, etc. He has so much, yet it doesn't matter. Life could still be taken away from you. He was a much better person than I ever will be, yet his predetermined fate made me outlive him. Life sucks... I have no one to turn to...no family for me...never had family...friends are who I depended on...and now one of my best friends isn't here to say, "Happy Birthday, JC." And I seem to piss friends off even more than they were before, I can't look people in the eyes, because I still see the pain that they are hiding, and I can't help but to think...it is because of me that they hide their emotions. A Birthday just isn't Happy without Roy there to wish me, "Happy Birthday." Life just isn't worth living...