One Thing Different...
Every day is a new challenge for me to face. I have my own problems and my own thoughts regardless of what I show or don't show. I tend to hold everything in, so I don't show much. I don't really know how I made it this far. Thinking back on my life, I had so much things that I could have participated in that could have changed the way I am today. Why did I not fall for peer pressure? Why did I have to be different? Why did I have to have morals? If I would have done one thing different, my life today would not be like it is today.
"You are strong Johnson. If I would have lived at your house, I would have been doing that shyet everyday." That is what Nina told me in one of her letters. I have been told I am strong by many people. They admire how I don't use drugs. How I have my head on straight. Big fucken deal. Why didn't I jsut go on and take some drugs? Smoke some crack or tweak? I don't know why. I didn't want to. I could have taken the easy way out. I could have just taken the crack pipe, light it up and see what happens. I chose not to. For my friends, for myself. If you didn't know, my house was once one of the well known drug house in South El Monte. It prolly was known a lot more places. My brother...a drug dealer, who was pretty high on the ranks of drug dealers. If you wanted some ish, they would all come down to my house. People I didn't know would stop by, and all I did was say hi. Kept to myself...that was all I could do. Seeing my brothers and their friends who I have grown up with just wasting away on drugs...on their free time just doing drugs and then staying up the whole night...and I think I could have easily took it with them. I could have became a drug addict. Let tweak or crack be my best friend. It would have saved me a lot of tears...a lot of pain. But I didn't. I refused to put any of that in my system. Never let any of that touch my lips. I was better than that. I don't do drugs...but I could. And I wonder what would have happened if I did try it....what would happen if I became dependent on that stuff?
I saw an episode of Cosby. They had an intervention for a friend who did coke. He had a problem. They all gathered round him and tried to make him admit he had a problem. Said it was so much easier to run away from the problem. I wonder why I ran from drugs...don't get me wrong, I still don't intend on using them, but wouldn't life be different if I did?
Everyone seems to think gangs are cool. I know many youngsters who joined a gang, due to peer pressure. Their friends joined, so they did too. I have been around gangsters pretty much my whole life. Some I didn't know were gangsters. Many of them stopped by my house. My brothers knew a lot of them. Some would come for the drugs, some would come for the company. Whoever did come, I just stayed out of their ways. I got to know a few. They were really cool. Just don't do anything to piss them off or back stab them or anything, or else you better join the witness protection program. I lived my life in fear most of the time. But I did get offered to join them. Sure...seemed like a good life. Money wasn't a problem. Always got people watching your back. Seemed good. But I didn't join. I passed...it wasn't the life for me. It seemed tempting, but I don't think I could do whatever it is that gangsters do. I am too nice...and I think that is what stopped me. I can't even pull the trigger on those fake cap guns that you can get off the ice cream man for a dollar. If I wasn't so nice, I don't think I would be the same Johnson that you all know me as. I had nothing holding me back to join the gang, cept myself. My kindness...could you imagine me....a gangster? A gangbanger? This could have been....
Johnson Chang...overall nice guy. Why am I so nice? I just like to see people happy. I want to please everyone. Reality Check...everyone can't be made happy. I try to though. Do anything I can to see people smile...doing better. That is what describes me all over...NICE...Niceboi518...nice personality, nice looks, nice attitude, nice life...just nice. When is nice ever too nice? I took the hard way to get my nice life...but there is so much crap in it, i don't consider it nice. I always put on an act...i always seem to be doing well...but i have so much things stored up inside me, i jsut got to explode...but I don't. Why? Because that wouldn't be...Nice....I am sick and tired of being the nice guy...don't get me wrong, I like it...being nice isn't a bad thing, but being nice gets you walked all over upon, by everyone. And I don't know what to do to change...because I have accepted myself as the nice guy. I like being the nice guy, but I am sick and tired of being pushed over and getting screwed becasue I am the nice guy. I was watching The Other Half today, and it said that you cant always be nice, you cant please everyone...I know that. My brother has even told me that being nice isnt good. He was a nice guy too. until he started dealing drugs...that taught him to be a touch guy quick. I have no experience in my life to teach me how to be tough. I am just Johnson. Nothing seems to go my way, but do I let taht bug me? Nope...jsut keep smiling...everything is going to be all right....I like being the nice guy...maybe it isn't so bad...but then again "Nice guys always finish LAST..." and that is where I always finish...*sigh* But I guess that is just me...Johnson Chang...overall nice guy...could you picture me as something else? Didn't think so....
"You are strong Johnson. If I would have lived at your house, I would have been doing that shyet everyday." That is what Nina told me in one of her letters. I have been told I am strong by many people. They admire how I don't use drugs. How I have my head on straight. Big fucken deal. Why didn't I jsut go on and take some drugs? Smoke some crack or tweak? I don't know why. I didn't want to. I could have taken the easy way out. I could have just taken the crack pipe, light it up and see what happens. I chose not to. For my friends, for myself. If you didn't know, my house was once one of the well known drug house in South El Monte. It prolly was known a lot more places. My brother...a drug dealer, who was pretty high on the ranks of drug dealers. If you wanted some ish, they would all come down to my house. People I didn't know would stop by, and all I did was say hi. Kept to myself...that was all I could do. Seeing my brothers and their friends who I have grown up with just wasting away on drugs...on their free time just doing drugs and then staying up the whole night...and I think I could have easily took it with them. I could have became a drug addict. Let tweak or crack be my best friend. It would have saved me a lot of tears...a lot of pain. But I didn't. I refused to put any of that in my system. Never let any of that touch my lips. I was better than that. I don't do drugs...but I could. And I wonder what would have happened if I did try it....what would happen if I became dependent on that stuff?
I saw an episode of Cosby. They had an intervention for a friend who did coke. He had a problem. They all gathered round him and tried to make him admit he had a problem. Said it was so much easier to run away from the problem. I wonder why I ran from drugs...don't get me wrong, I still don't intend on using them, but wouldn't life be different if I did?
Everyone seems to think gangs are cool. I know many youngsters who joined a gang, due to peer pressure. Their friends joined, so they did too. I have been around gangsters pretty much my whole life. Some I didn't know were gangsters. Many of them stopped by my house. My brothers knew a lot of them. Some would come for the drugs, some would come for the company. Whoever did come, I just stayed out of their ways. I got to know a few. They were really cool. Just don't do anything to piss them off or back stab them or anything, or else you better join the witness protection program. I lived my life in fear most of the time. But I did get offered to join them. Sure...seemed like a good life. Money wasn't a problem. Always got people watching your back. Seemed good. But I didn't join. I passed...it wasn't the life for me. It seemed tempting, but I don't think I could do whatever it is that gangsters do. I am too nice...and I think that is what stopped me. I can't even pull the trigger on those fake cap guns that you can get off the ice cream man for a dollar. If I wasn't so nice, I don't think I would be the same Johnson that you all know me as. I had nothing holding me back to join the gang, cept myself. My kindness...could you imagine me....a gangster? A gangbanger? This could have been....
Johnson Chang...overall nice guy. Why am I so nice? I just like to see people happy. I want to please everyone. Reality Check...everyone can't be made happy. I try to though. Do anything I can to see people smile...doing better. That is what describes me all over...NICE...Niceboi518...nice personality, nice looks, nice attitude, nice life...just nice. When is nice ever too nice? I took the hard way to get my nice life...but there is so much crap in it, i don't consider it nice. I always put on an act...i always seem to be doing well...but i have so much things stored up inside me, i jsut got to explode...but I don't. Why? Because that wouldn't be...Nice....I am sick and tired of being the nice guy...don't get me wrong, I like it...being nice isn't a bad thing, but being nice gets you walked all over upon, by everyone. And I don't know what to do to change...because I have accepted myself as the nice guy. I like being the nice guy, but I am sick and tired of being pushed over and getting screwed becasue I am the nice guy. I was watching The Other Half today, and it said that you cant always be nice, you cant please everyone...I know that. My brother has even told me that being nice isnt good. He was a nice guy too. until he started dealing drugs...that taught him to be a touch guy quick. I have no experience in my life to teach me how to be tough. I am just Johnson. Nothing seems to go my way, but do I let taht bug me? Nope...jsut keep smiling...everything is going to be all right....I like being the nice guy...maybe it isn't so bad...but then again "Nice guys always finish LAST..." and that is where I always finish...*sigh* But I guess that is just me...Johnson Chang...overall nice guy...could you picture me as something else? Didn't think so....
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