Self Confidence: People who know me know that I am not that confident in myself. I always think that I am not good at anything. And I guess it is because of the way I was brought up. I have always been told that I was "stupid, dumb, useless, etc" Not in that order. Haha...but like yeah. ANd I guess being brought up like that made me actually feel worthless. Sure, I was smart in school, a GATE student, top of my class...yet still that did not do it for me. So I started to rebel. Now I am an outgoing person who makes my friedns laugh and stuff..but being confident in the things that I do...well taht is a different story. In high school, I was well-known. A socialite despite all the drama in my life that should have made me anti-social and at times I was. I did not seem like someone who has always been told negative things because I always exuded a postive attitude. Chinese people who get educated at China or Taiwan get scolded at when they do something wrong. In America, children get "good jobs" and praises, even when they did not really do a good job. It is to build up children's self-esteem and stuff like taht. Chinese people were always talked down upon. If you don't get it right...you are stupid. It is interesting that in America, the most embarassing thing to students are like farting in class, tripping on something, and typical stuff like that. For a Chinese student or any student educated in Asia, thier most embarassing moment is getting the answer to a question wrong. Kind of shows you how diffeent these two areas are. My bringing up did is not to only reason taht I have low self-esteem and no confidence in myself. Also the way I look also plays a role in it. Growing up I was always the taller and bigger person around. I have always been big. Supposedly, in the future looks aren't suppose to matter. But in my head, they always do. I mean it's kind of hard not to think that when everyone seems to be talking about "How Hot" someone is...especially all of the girls taht I know. And I don't exactly fit into that category. I see myself as one of those people with a great personality. Or in other words....ugly. I don't see anything good about me, and I am told by friends of my good traits and some even tell me that I am good looking. I just brush it off me. It is like me and good looking or okay looking just don't go well. That plays a major role in I guess the way I act when I am around girls. Especially ones that I like. I mean I am really shy when it coems to girls. I can act like the goofy, outgoing person that I am. That is me, but girls somehow really intimidate me. I am surprised I don't start to hyperventilate when I do talk to them. It's all an act though. I mean meeting new people is hard for me. And I think that if someone decides to talk to me, then I am the luckiest person in the world. I have changed a lot since I was a freshman in high school. And with girls taht I like...(imitating an Italian mobster) Forget about it! In my eyes, every girl that I like is too good for me. And no one would ever like me. So when someone actually tells me that they do. I am really shocked...someone liking me?!?!? Unbelieveable. I even tend to brush it off just like I brush off the comments I get when I am "okay-looking." I mean it is weird. I wish and hope and pray that the girl I like will actually like me, and when they actually do..I then don't beleive it. It is like someone is playing a big prank with me. I become friends with the people that I like first...I don't think I will ever be able to pick up on someone spontaneously and like start a relationship like that...I am not that good looking enough..not that confident...I have to change...but I doubt I ever will...

Sensitivity: I am a little bit too sensitive. Freinds tell me I am "more in touch with my feminine side." And I guess I am. I joke with a lot of friends. They always tend to say taht they are more manlier than I am, and what is sad about that is that it is probably true. I don't know wht happened. I don't like guys...so that rules out homosexuality...but I was never into cars, sports, and all that other stereotypical stuff that guys are suppose to like. Frankly, I don't even think I am all that into them now. I mean sure...cars look nice...but to me they are just cars..Import Nights and all that sutff...I never wanted to go. I mean a car is a car but I do admit, I wouldn't want any car..I have my standards I guess...and sports..I am not a meat head. I do watch em and stuff, but I am not all die hard and have like tailgate parties and grunt and bumb chests with other sport nuts when my team scores. I like singing and stuff that don't really seem manly. Also in movie choices...for some reason I am one of those I guess you could say believers in love. Like all those corny cheesy stuff that happens in movies I believe do happen in real life. And I know that the world is a F*cked up place, but I guess that is what makes me want to believe that stuff like that do really happen and are not just "Hollywood Magic." So when wanting to go to movies...I like to watch are dubbed as "Chick Flicks." Romantic Comedies just seem to appeal to me. I like Independent Films, and stuff that are Oscar-worthy. I mean some Action films will catch my eye and stuff, but I tend to like steer clear from those movies. It is just that they don't seem to appeal to me, and granted that when I do watch some with my friends, some do turn out to be really good. I guess I am just an idealist more than I am a realist. So hey, I guess that I am a sensitive guy...I guess I am like FEZ.