I'm An Aries, and I Enjoy Long Walks on the Beach...
One of the things I hate to do is talk about myself. I just don't see myself having much to say about myself especially when I have low self-esteem. I have been job hunting recently for the past few weeks. It is really tiring and for what? Turn in applications to stores that aren't quite hiring, but just "accepting applications." And it is very competitive. I mean there are many assholes out there who just love to talk about themselves. They love themsselves a little too much, so a simple question like "Describe yourself." For me is just a simple, I am a hard worker and I like to get the job done, or something like taht...all the while trying to sound peppy and stuff, while that simple thing to others is like an autobiography. "I was born on a farm with a few cows, struggling with a single parent, my father died of cancer and I was very poor, a poster child for poverty, but I overcame a lot of obstacles...etc" I know it isn't that dramatic, but they really do have a lot to say about themselves.
Just trying to find a new job is like you are posting an ad in the personals. You are trying to hook up with a new job. So you have to put yourself out there and lay yourself on the line. You have to put all the self-doubt aside, and just go for it. It's hard. I know many of you all think that it is easy for me because I am talkative and seem outgoing, but I have changed. I don't think I am so talkative anymore. I am not the outgoing person that I used to be. I am always putting up an act. Many friends say it is weird for them to see me at home because at school or if we are out, I am always the one making an ass of myself. Trying to make things more fun for everyone else. I disregarded everything and jsut did what I could to get the laugh, but then they see me at home, and I am quiet...shy...not talkative. I keep to myself and just do my own thing....quietly. They could swear I was a mute or something.
Now I am in college and I think my home personality finally caught up to me. I don't talk in school or anything. I can't make friends that easily...it is just too big and so unfamiliar to me. I can't be the regular clown...smartass...person that I used to be in the past. It's hard to make friends but I do try. I am unsuccessful so far.
It could also be that I have finally grown up. No more immature freshman that used to talk back to teachers and cause so much trouble. Though I am still a pushover, and I have to learn not to be. I know right from wrong, and I have to stand up for myself and not let being a pushover get me into trouble. It's funny. I got into trouble in 8th grade for being a pushover...and 6 years passed since the infamous "yearbook" scandal occurred, and I find myself getting my ass into trouble for being a pushover again. I guess things don't change that much.
The thing that has changed is all of us. We are getting older. We are older. When I look at my friends, I still see the little kids that we are, cracking immature jokes, and making fun of eachother to get a laugh. The crazy shyet we used to do, and how we all met. From stealing books at the library and then putting them into those blue mailboxes. Crank calling anyone and everyone, 411, the police from the phonebooth at City Hall. Just stupid things that made childhood a childhood. And despite seeing the young kids we used to be inside, on the exterior, we are adults. As hard as it is to believe, we are grown up. Most of us are 20, some are 21. Dude, so much stuff has happened in between to reach where we are at right now. No more "He doesn't want to hang out with me cuz I am too young." "I don't fit in with them because they are way older than I am." We are all friends, aquaintances...connected. Being 5 years older means nothing now. We all see eachother as adults. We are able to hang out and chill and talk to eachother as if we all are the same age. There is no more younger or older...
It is jsut trippy to see everything changing. Everyone having a life of their own. New friends, new lives, new everything. Everyone is older...in looks or through experience. The first sign should have been when we graduated from high school together...it was an end, but also a beginning for us. And now we are in college, finding jobs that interest us and doing things that we weren't able to do a few years back...losing a few friends...losing a brother...but gaining more friends.
Despite advertising yourself to an employer to try and get a job that you want, they will never get to know the real you, through interviews, job applications, and resumes. These "personal ads" go beyond what sign you are or if you like long walks on the beach. They will never know the kid that you are inside or the adult that you choose to show on the outside. No one can conquer me and get to know me better than myself.
One of the things I hate to do is talk about myself. I just don't see myself having much to say about myself especially when I have low self-esteem. I have been job hunting recently for the past few weeks. It is really tiring and for what? Turn in applications to stores that aren't quite hiring, but just "accepting applications." And it is very competitive. I mean there are many assholes out there who just love to talk about themselves. They love themsselves a little too much, so a simple question like "Describe yourself." For me is just a simple, I am a hard worker and I like to get the job done, or something like taht...all the while trying to sound peppy and stuff, while that simple thing to others is like an autobiography. "I was born on a farm with a few cows, struggling with a single parent, my father died of cancer and I was very poor, a poster child for poverty, but I overcame a lot of obstacles...etc" I know it isn't that dramatic, but they really do have a lot to say about themselves.
Just trying to find a new job is like you are posting an ad in the personals. You are trying to hook up with a new job. So you have to put yourself out there and lay yourself on the line. You have to put all the self-doubt aside, and just go for it. It's hard. I know many of you all think that it is easy for me because I am talkative and seem outgoing, but I have changed. I don't think I am so talkative anymore. I am not the outgoing person that I used to be. I am always putting up an act. Many friends say it is weird for them to see me at home because at school or if we are out, I am always the one making an ass of myself. Trying to make things more fun for everyone else. I disregarded everything and jsut did what I could to get the laugh, but then they see me at home, and I am quiet...shy...not talkative. I keep to myself and just do my own thing....quietly. They could swear I was a mute or something.
Now I am in college and I think my home personality finally caught up to me. I don't talk in school or anything. I can't make friends that easily...it is just too big and so unfamiliar to me. I can't be the regular clown...smartass...person that I used to be in the past. It's hard to make friends but I do try. I am unsuccessful so far.
It could also be that I have finally grown up. No more immature freshman that used to talk back to teachers and cause so much trouble. Though I am still a pushover, and I have to learn not to be. I know right from wrong, and I have to stand up for myself and not let being a pushover get me into trouble. It's funny. I got into trouble in 8th grade for being a pushover...and 6 years passed since the infamous "yearbook" scandal occurred, and I find myself getting my ass into trouble for being a pushover again. I guess things don't change that much.
The thing that has changed is all of us. We are getting older. We are older. When I look at my friends, I still see the little kids that we are, cracking immature jokes, and making fun of eachother to get a laugh. The crazy shyet we used to do, and how we all met. From stealing books at the library and then putting them into those blue mailboxes. Crank calling anyone and everyone, 411, the police from the phonebooth at City Hall. Just stupid things that made childhood a childhood. And despite seeing the young kids we used to be inside, on the exterior, we are adults. As hard as it is to believe, we are grown up. Most of us are 20, some are 21. Dude, so much stuff has happened in between to reach where we are at right now. No more "He doesn't want to hang out with me cuz I am too young." "I don't fit in with them because they are way older than I am." We are all friends, aquaintances...connected. Being 5 years older means nothing now. We all see eachother as adults. We are able to hang out and chill and talk to eachother as if we all are the same age. There is no more younger or older...
It is jsut trippy to see everything changing. Everyone having a life of their own. New friends, new lives, new everything. Everyone is older...in looks or through experience. The first sign should have been when we graduated from high school together...it was an end, but also a beginning for us. And now we are in college, finding jobs that interest us and doing things that we weren't able to do a few years back...losing a few friends...losing a brother...but gaining more friends.
Despite advertising yourself to an employer to try and get a job that you want, they will never get to know the real you, through interviews, job applications, and resumes. These "personal ads" go beyond what sign you are or if you like long walks on the beach. They will never know the kid that you are inside or the adult that you choose to show on the outside. No one can conquer me and get to know me better than myself.
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