Gotta Get Some Balls
When you like someone you should just go out and tell them that you like them right? You never know what the outcome might be. What have you got to lose? If you tell her and she likes you back, you could have one of the best relationships of your life. If she says no, it will hurt, but at least you took the risk. Letting someone know and getting rejected is a better feeling than not even telling the person if you were to compare the two, but personally I always choose not to tell the person at all.
Growing up, I have little self-esteem in myself. It isn't easy to be so confident when you were the fat kid in every class. As I grew up, I got bigger, and hated my life. Occasionally you have a few people who really touch your life a bit more than anyone else. You have friends who are there for you always, through thick and thin, but there are just a few outside people that put things in perspective for you. For me, it was Huyen and Mary Joy. I thank all my friends for being there for me, I am not forgetting about any of you, but it took two people that I did not know that well to build on what little self-esteem I had in myself.
Huyen Mai was a new student at South El Monte High. She came in as a sophmore after being "transferred" from Ramona Convent. Everyone thought she was pretty and was crushing on her when she got here. I was one of them. She accidentally walked into my Bio Honors class and that was when I first saw her, but I didn't talk to her or anything. Fear. No balls. Well, I began to talk to her, and we became really good friends, surprisingly. Now I was pretty big back then and I didn't even think I could be friends with someone like her, but she was really cool. She used to call me "prettyboy," which I always disregarded because I never thought myself to be a prettyboy and I thought she was just joking around, being sarcastic. Outside, I didn't show anything, but inside...I was happy. My heart was smiling. This is the first time that anyone has said anything like that to me besides my mom. What was the icing on the cake, was that she actually meant it. I guess she was the first person to see me from the inside out...and finally made me see myself from that same angle.
The next year, I was a sophmore. I met Mary Joy Miranda in my Chemistry class. I also had her in my Algebra 2 class. She was really cool. Different from what I remember her as in Shively. She is two years older than me and in the same grade as my brothers, a senior. Despite our age difference, from the start we became instant friends. She was really friendly and down to earth. This was the year that I had a lot of things in my mind. Everything in my life was breaking apart and she was there to make me feel better. She was always there to cheer me up by either talking to me or just being there for me even without saying anything. I was going through a lot of changes that year, and she just made me feel a lot better. It was the year that my appearance changed a lot as well. I lost a lot of weight in the second half of school. She met me as the low self-esteem, fat sophmore. She slowly saw me develop into a little more confident slimmer soon-to-be junior. We talked on the phone, in person, and online. And the most prominent thing that helped me a lot was when she decided to ask me to go to her Spirit Dance. She could have asked anyone, but she decided to ask me. Even though I was this "thing" that I thought no one could see any beauty in, she saw someone that I never thought I was. She knew I was a good looking guy. We had a great time at the dance, and I was so glad that she asked me. Years have passed and I haven't talked to her in a long time. She joined the army and got stationed at many places...last I heard was at New York. We lost contact, but I still miss her, and I am grateful for the person she saw in me.
I see the picture we took at the dance and saw how big I was compared to the size I am now. I guess my size will always play a factor in how I view myself. I am not good enough compared to other people. I guess I am not that bad. One of my managers, Juliana, who is critical in people's looks, said that I am not ugly, I'm a good looking guy. Maybe I should begin to listen to what they are saying or said and start having it affect my attitude. Build up my confidence, even towards girls. Grow some balls.
Right now, I like a girl that I met at work. I am pretty obvious about my feelings towards her, but I haven't told her yet. I just want to tell her at the right time. That seems to be my problem, or at least one of the ways I try to avoid telling her. I always use the time excuse, but if that is the case, there never is a right time. I see her the most at work. We hung out a couple of times, but those were never the right time. Now she doesn't work at the theater anymore, and somehow the plans that I make with her always fall through. She is busy, dealing with going to a new school and moving into the area. I don't want to hassle her, but I just want to see her...hang out with her...basically just spend time with her doing anything. Sitting, talking, watching a movie on DVD, or even watching the TV. It doesn't matter. All I want is to spend time with her. Even at the least just talk with her on the phone, but her schedule prevents this. I plan things to do with her, but she has other plans that conflict. I have been looking forward to do things with her, go ice skating, watch a movie, go to Disneyland, but it just seems that she can't seem to fit it in...in other words...fit me in.
I know that I should just "carpe diem," sieze the day, but I am scared. I am a semi-confident guy without a spine. I guess the rejection factor is still there for me despite our good relationship with one another. Maybe this has become another "you are a really good friend to me, and I don't want to ruin the friendship" type of thing. Maybe it's because I am just too chicken to just straight out and tell her that I like her. Or maybe it's because it's not the right time. Whatever excuse I tell myself to justify my cowardness, I simply have to grow some balls and decide that I just got to go for it. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So maybe I'll "take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and break away." (Kelly Clarkson --Breakaway)
When you like someone you should just go out and tell them that you like them right? You never know what the outcome might be. What have you got to lose? If you tell her and she likes you back, you could have one of the best relationships of your life. If she says no, it will hurt, but at least you took the risk. Letting someone know and getting rejected is a better feeling than not even telling the person if you were to compare the two, but personally I always choose not to tell the person at all.
Growing up, I have little self-esteem in myself. It isn't easy to be so confident when you were the fat kid in every class. As I grew up, I got bigger, and hated my life. Occasionally you have a few people who really touch your life a bit more than anyone else. You have friends who are there for you always, through thick and thin, but there are just a few outside people that put things in perspective for you. For me, it was Huyen and Mary Joy. I thank all my friends for being there for me, I am not forgetting about any of you, but it took two people that I did not know that well to build on what little self-esteem I had in myself.
Huyen Mai was a new student at South El Monte High. She came in as a sophmore after being "transferred" from Ramona Convent. Everyone thought she was pretty and was crushing on her when she got here. I was one of them. She accidentally walked into my Bio Honors class and that was when I first saw her, but I didn't talk to her or anything. Fear. No balls. Well, I began to talk to her, and we became really good friends, surprisingly. Now I was pretty big back then and I didn't even think I could be friends with someone like her, but she was really cool. She used to call me "prettyboy," which I always disregarded because I never thought myself to be a prettyboy and I thought she was just joking around, being sarcastic. Outside, I didn't show anything, but inside...I was happy. My heart was smiling. This is the first time that anyone has said anything like that to me besides my mom. What was the icing on the cake, was that she actually meant it. I guess she was the first person to see me from the inside out...and finally made me see myself from that same angle.
The next year, I was a sophmore. I met Mary Joy Miranda in my Chemistry class. I also had her in my Algebra 2 class. She was really cool. Different from what I remember her as in Shively. She is two years older than me and in the same grade as my brothers, a senior. Despite our age difference, from the start we became instant friends. She was really friendly and down to earth. This was the year that I had a lot of things in my mind. Everything in my life was breaking apart and she was there to make me feel better. She was always there to cheer me up by either talking to me or just being there for me even without saying anything. I was going through a lot of changes that year, and she just made me feel a lot better. It was the year that my appearance changed a lot as well. I lost a lot of weight in the second half of school. She met me as the low self-esteem, fat sophmore. She slowly saw me develop into a little more confident slimmer soon-to-be junior. We talked on the phone, in person, and online. And the most prominent thing that helped me a lot was when she decided to ask me to go to her Spirit Dance. She could have asked anyone, but she decided to ask me. Even though I was this "thing" that I thought no one could see any beauty in, she saw someone that I never thought I was. She knew I was a good looking guy. We had a great time at the dance, and I was so glad that she asked me. Years have passed and I haven't talked to her in a long time. She joined the army and got stationed at many places...last I heard was at New York. We lost contact, but I still miss her, and I am grateful for the person she saw in me.
I see the picture we took at the dance and saw how big I was compared to the size I am now. I guess my size will always play a factor in how I view myself. I am not good enough compared to other people. I guess I am not that bad. One of my managers, Juliana, who is critical in people's looks, said that I am not ugly, I'm a good looking guy. Maybe I should begin to listen to what they are saying or said and start having it affect my attitude. Build up my confidence, even towards girls. Grow some balls.
Right now, I like a girl that I met at work. I am pretty obvious about my feelings towards her, but I haven't told her yet. I just want to tell her at the right time. That seems to be my problem, or at least one of the ways I try to avoid telling her. I always use the time excuse, but if that is the case, there never is a right time. I see her the most at work. We hung out a couple of times, but those were never the right time. Now she doesn't work at the theater anymore, and somehow the plans that I make with her always fall through. She is busy, dealing with going to a new school and moving into the area. I don't want to hassle her, but I just want to see her...hang out with her...basically just spend time with her doing anything. Sitting, talking, watching a movie on DVD, or even watching the TV. It doesn't matter. All I want is to spend time with her. Even at the least just talk with her on the phone, but her schedule prevents this. I plan things to do with her, but she has other plans that conflict. I have been looking forward to do things with her, go ice skating, watch a movie, go to Disneyland, but it just seems that she can't seem to fit it in...in other words...fit me in.
I know that I should just "carpe diem," sieze the day, but I am scared. I am a semi-confident guy without a spine. I guess the rejection factor is still there for me despite our good relationship with one another. Maybe this has become another "you are a really good friend to me, and I don't want to ruin the friendship" type of thing. Maybe it's because I am just too chicken to just straight out and tell her that I like her. Or maybe it's because it's not the right time. Whatever excuse I tell myself to justify my cowardness, I simply have to grow some balls and decide that I just got to go for it. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. So maybe I'll "take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and break away." (Kelly Clarkson --Breakaway)
