Einstein (teacup chihuahua)...the Teacup Chihuahua got his name changed to Gizmo. And then Soon there after, the little dog passed away. *sigh* He was a cool dog. I miss his complaining...blah...
Friday, January 31, 2003
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAIME!!!! A fellow 518 Clan Member hits 19. yOyObOi518 +_+....We planned a da out for him, but then he ended up going to hius sisters house and paint. Then the next day we planned to go play CS, but he assumed or heard that we couldn't because it was Chinese New Year Eve, but Anthony and I was waiting to go out. He went to the movies with his cousin. We dropped off his presents at his house at night, and then went to Norm'[s to eat. That was how we celebrated his birthday.
Einstein (teacup chihuahua)...the Teacup Chihuahua got his name changed to Gizmo. And then Soon there after, the little dog passed away. *sigh* He was a cool dog. I miss his complaining...blah...
Einstein (teacup chihuahua)...the Teacup Chihuahua got his name changed to Gizmo. And then Soon there after, the little dog passed away. *sigh* He was a cool dog. I miss his complaining...blah...
Wednesday, January 29, 2003
Conversation with Candy:
Johnson: you must
Johnson: you must
Candy: huh
Candy: what waht
Johnson: you must increase your bust
Johnson: errr...
Johnson: wait
Johnson: that isnt it...
Candy: ahahah wtf
Candy: mean
Johnson: oh yeah
Johnson: u must
Candy: fug u booo
Johnson: damn rate limit
Johnson: u must dl this song
Candy: hahhaha i kno how that is
Candy: what song
Johnson: Sam Salter - Love Again
Johnson: his name might sound salty, but the song is so sweet
Johnson: muahahaha
Johnson: i crack myself up
Johnson: haha i kno..lame
Johnson: *puts a L on his foreheead*
Candy: ahhaahhah
Candy: yea i agree
Johnson: haha
I'm a freaking comedian!!! Haha!
A Conversation Between Candy and Henry:
Candy: hi
Henry: hi
Henry: damn i cant sleep.........
Candy: if u warn i swear its overs for u
Henry: what you mean? hahaha
Henry: ...
Candy: omg its still 86
Henry: haha
Candy: gay my other sn
Candy: stupid
Henry: so look at mine.............97%!!!!!!!!!!
Henry: it is gonna be in the 90s for ever...
Henry: and this is 2003 already....gay.... haha
Candy: ahahahahha
Candy: ur so lame
Henry: man that was a kickass joke
Henry: hahaha
Candy: ahhahahhahahh
Henry: you know its cool
Henry: haha
Candy: sure sure
Candy: ahhahah
I found that to be funny!!! Haha!
Conversation with Henry:
Henry: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
Henry: LOL that was kickass huh HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Johnson: you and me henry
Johnson: we can be comedians
Henry: hahahaha
Johnson: the comedy team of H.Phung and J.Chang
Henry: LOL
Henry: hahaahhaahahhaha
Johnson: put it together....H.J. Phang!
Johnson: hahaha
Henry: lol
Henry: ahahhaha funny hahaha
Henry: i got class
Henry: imma go...be comedians later ahahah
Johnson: have fun
Even after our conversations with Candy, the jokes never stop!!! Come see us at the Hollywood Bowl, we'll be there til Saturday! Haha!
Johnson: you must
Johnson: you must
Candy: huh
Candy: what waht
Johnson: you must increase your bust
Johnson: errr...
Johnson: wait
Johnson: that isnt it...
Candy: ahahah wtf
Candy: mean
Johnson: oh yeah
Johnson: u must
Candy: fug u booo
Johnson: damn rate limit
Johnson: u must dl this song
Candy: hahhaha i kno how that is
Candy: what song
Johnson: Sam Salter - Love Again
Johnson: his name might sound salty, but the song is so sweet
Johnson: muahahaha
Johnson: i crack myself up
Johnson: haha i kno..lame
Johnson: *puts a L on his foreheead*
Candy: ahhaahhah
Candy: yea i agree
Johnson: haha
I'm a freaking comedian!!! Haha!
A Conversation Between Candy and Henry:
Candy: hi
Henry: hi
Henry: damn i cant sleep.........
Candy: if u warn i swear its overs for u
Henry: what you mean? hahaha
Henry: ...
Candy: omg its still 86
Henry: haha
Candy: gay my other sn
Candy: stupid
Henry: so look at mine.............97%!!!!!!!!!!
Henry: it is gonna be in the 90s for ever...
Henry: and this is 2003 already....gay.... haha
Candy: ahahahahha
Candy: ur so lame
Henry: man that was a kickass joke
Henry: hahaha
Candy: ahhahahhahahh
Henry: you know its cool
Henry: haha
Candy: sure sure
Candy: ahhahah
I found that to be funny!!! Haha!
Conversation with Henry:
Henry: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA
Henry: LOL that was kickass huh HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Johnson: you and me henry
Johnson: we can be comedians
Henry: hahahaha
Johnson: the comedy team of H.Phung and J.Chang
Henry: LOL
Henry: hahaahhaahahhaha
Johnson: put it together....H.J. Phang!
Johnson: hahaha
Henry: lol
Henry: ahahhaha funny hahaha
Henry: i got class
Henry: imma go...be comedians later ahahah
Johnson: have fun
Even after our conversations with Candy, the jokes never stop!!! Come see us at the Hollywood Bowl, we'll be there til Saturday! Haha!
Tuesday, January 28, 2003
Everyone seems to be disagreeing with what I typed in my previous entry. It is just how I was feeling at that moment in time. I know that it will change. I was once the "Love Idealist," but that changed as well. The people I asked about love were expressing their feelings towards it, but I when I see them with their significant other, I can see the "love" that they share, but for me, it just doesn't exist. It is just an idea or concept that got blown out of proportion. I mean, in our society everything is based on marriage, having someone, not being alone! So everyone is trying to find that ideal thing called "love," but due to the pressure of society and everyone around them, probably that is why the divorce rate is so high. It seems to be messed up how you are judged by the fact if you have found someone or not. I am entitled to my opinion, and you are to yours. Just respect it.
Conversation with Juju:
Juju: and im not even that great im making more problems for him
Juju: all this driving back and forth
Titi: but at least he has someone to drive back and forth to
Juju: i never thought of it that way...
Titi: i mean...if i had someone, it wouldnt matter if i drove to her house and like she couldnt see me or anything, and like i had to go straight back...at least i wuld have that person to tell me to go back or something..
Titi: oreo
Juju: i should put that on my blog...
Juju: not that alvin complains but if he ever does...
Titi: instead i am left with the feeling of emptiness, and no where to go or turn to
Juju: your friends...
Juju: you sound so happy on your blog
Titi: i am
Juju: all this great socialism
Juju: snowboarding and what not
Titi: im trying to be more social
Titi: i am more social
Juju: youre doing good
Juju: you dont need no stinkin gf with friends
Titi: but being more social cant prevent the times when I am at home doing nothing...
Titi: and like all my friends have g/f's or b/f's
Juju: i feel lonely even with a bf
Juju: no gf is gonna make you feel better
Juju: im beginning to see that now
Juju: i still feel lonely sometimes with alvin there
Titi: im not saying everything will be better if i had a g/f
Titi: im just saying it's nice to know you have someone to be there, to turn to...to do things for, drive back and forth to....
Titi: friends can only do so much...
Juju: yeah it is...
Juju: i know...
Juju: and im not even that great im making more problems for him
Juju: all this driving back and forth
Titi: but at least he has someone to drive back and forth to
Juju: i never thought of it that way...
Titi: i mean...if i had someone, it wouldnt matter if i drove to her house and like she couldnt see me or anything, and like i had to go straight back...at least i wuld have that person to tell me to go back or something..
Titi: oreo
Juju: i should put that on my blog...
Juju: not that alvin complains but if he ever does...
Titi: instead i am left with the feeling of emptiness, and no where to go or turn to
Juju: your friends...
Juju: you sound so happy on your blog
Titi: i am
Juju: all this great socialism
Juju: snowboarding and what not
Titi: im trying to be more social
Titi: i am more social
Juju: youre doing good
Juju: you dont need no stinkin gf with friends
Titi: but being more social cant prevent the times when I am at home doing nothing...
Titi: and like all my friends have g/f's or b/f's
Juju: i feel lonely even with a bf
Juju: no gf is gonna make you feel better
Juju: im beginning to see that now
Juju: i still feel lonely sometimes with alvin there
Titi: im not saying everything will be better if i had a g/f
Titi: im just saying it's nice to know you have someone to be there, to turn to...to do things for, drive back and forth to....
Titi: friends can only do so much...
Juju: yeah it is...
Juju: i know...
Monday, January 27, 2003
LOVE: Just looking around, I see many people in a relationship, and they are so madly in love with eachother. I don't know what that feels like because I have never felt that way. I might have thought I was in love, but as it turns out it was other types of love. Lately, I have been wondering if true love exists and if all those people in relationships are really wasting their time. Truth is, most aren't going to last. They are all close now, but they are not going to last. I mean, there is this acheing and tugging at my heart, but it isn't much of a feeling. Sure, I have a crush, and like just seeing her makes me want her as my girlfriend or something, but honestly, if I ever do get with her, what are the chances that she will be my true love? Highly unlikely. People marry their high school sweethearts, people they had crushes on since grade school, etc. But most of the marriages in the U.S. end up in divorce. How reassuring is that? I think that love is feeling that doesn't really exist. It's all just in our imagination. I mean that is how it feels...maybe if I ever do fall in love, it will change my perspective, but there is nothing worth this much stress and worry. I think my friend Javier said it best, "LOVE SUCKS!" Here are a few things other friends said when I asked them about the topic...
Question: What are your thoughts about love?
J.V.: it sucks
Steffie: shit
Henry: wtf?!
Lyly: i don't kno wut i think about it
Roy: i have to say i have to take a piss
Jessica L.: i dont really know cuz havent experienced it
Joanne: i dunno
Jason: pssshhhh i remember i used to disagree with mrs sumrall when she told us how shes starting to believe there is no such thing, but now, im starting to agree with her...and if there is such a thing, im just gonna wait for it, i dont think im gonna get all stupid and crazy about it when i end up getting hurt anyway. besides, im still young
9 people asked about the topic and so far crap. Some of them haven't felt it, some of them are in a long relationship, some claim they do, but yet, it is unanimous, no one has felt it.
[]R,,[],,[]D,,
/ \
/ LOVE \
| |
| Never Existed, |
| but caused so |
| much stress |
| and pain |
| nonetheless... |
_|______________|_
J.V.: it sucks
Steffie: shit
Henry: wtf?!
Lyly: i don't kno wut i think about it
Roy: i have to say i have to take a piss
Jessica L.: i dont really know cuz havent experienced it
Joanne: i dunno
Jason: pssshhhh i remember i used to disagree with mrs sumrall when she told us how shes starting to believe there is no such thing, but now, im starting to agree with her...and if there is such a thing, im just gonna wait for it, i dont think im gonna get all stupid and crazy about it when i end up getting hurt anyway. besides, im still young
9 people asked about the topic and so far crap. Some of them haven't felt it, some of them are in a long relationship, some claim they do, but yet, it is unanimous, no one has felt it.
/ \
/ LOVE \
| |
| Never Existed, |
| but caused so |
| much stress |
| and pain |
| nonetheless... |
_|______________|_
Saturday, January 25, 2003
Another snowboard trip...: It was Snow Summit's 50th Anniversary, so like they had a special. $19.99 All Day Lift Tickets(6:30AM-7:30PM) which is quite a deal for lift tickets. The only catch was that you had to buy them online, and it was only for Friday, January 24. Well, we(we being Anthony, Candy, Tuoc, and myself, but Henry, Linda, and Rosa went also) left to Big Bear at around 11:30ish. We would have left earlier, but Anthony had a dentist appointment and had to get fillings. He was hungry and asked me make soup for him so he could eat it during the drive, so I did, only to get dissed by him. He didn't even touch the damn soup!!! Haha, well I guess it was just his way of getting back when he made soup for this one girl he was interested in when she was sick and she rejected it. Haha...anyways, Tuoc drove and like that allowed Anthony, Candy, I to sleep, but after a short nap, we were all awake. We were suppose to meet up Henry, Linda, and Rosa at Big Bear. Henry drove them from their apartment at Riverside. We got to Big Bear first. It was about a two hour drive, and since we were all hungry, we decided to go eat at the Kentucky Fried Chicken that was right next to the place where we rented our snowboards and boots. While we were at KFC, Henry, Linda, and Rosa finally arrived. So once again it was alomost the same seven people going snowboarding. The difference was Jaime was MIA and Tuoc filled in. After we all ate, we went next door to rent our stuff. We then went to the find parking, and then off to go snowboarding. We went to the same ski lift, and this time I went to the right slope. Anthony stayed with me in the beginning to teach me how to board. I couldn't get it. I couldn't get up like he did, so I had to find my own way to get up. After many falls, I got the hang of it, very little. Then we eventually met up with everyone else because they had already been through one run and were on their second. Anthony then left to board and Rosa then joined me to teach me. I kept falling and stuff, by now my palms were in pain, and my knees were starting to hurt, and like I had landed wrong a couple of times and my wrists were hurting. I think I twisted them, but not much harm done. Plus I "ate" it a couple of times, and one time I feel on my side/stomach, and like got my air knocked out of me and was in a lot of pain, but I got through it. Well, while Rosa was teaching me, I did well at some parts! I actually snowboarded and travelled a far amount of distance! It felt so good, having the cold air hit you in the face, but what didn't feel good was having your face hit the cold snow, which was what happened after I fell. I didn't care and got right back up and did it again! I was conquering the sport of snowboarding, until there was a slope and like I couldn't do anything after that. Candy then met up with Rosa, and switched off. So Candy was my teacher, while Rosa went to board. I found out that I couldn't do much with slopes, but when it was kinda even, or a little slopeish, I could board. Candy stayed with me, and I got it a couple of times. I was going forward and stuff, but then I was going too fast, and tried to go back to the side position to slow down because I was facing straight down, I fell. Candy was practicing boarding backwards, and like she told me to bend my knees when I boarded. I tried that, but I couldn't do anything when I did. I bent my knees and like got a few inches and then *BOOM* I fell on cold snow. So then I tried it without bending my knees, and I got pretty far. Well there was a last slope before I finally reached the bottom, and like I got up and tried again. I got up on my board and went down the slope. I went a pretty far distance, when I lost control, and like fell. This was the ending factor of my day. I sprang my ankle. I felt pain on my ankle and like just sat up. Candy went up to me and I told her I couldn't do it anymore. I took off my board and just sat in the snow, waiting for my ankle to get a little better so I could just walk the rest to the bottom. Luckily I could still walk, and like my ankle didn't need any medical attention. And then I just sat down next to the vending machines and waited for everyone. It took me about 3 hours to go down one slope, while everyone else went on it like 4, 5, or even 6 times. I was happy though, I did a lot better and maybe next time we go, I will be able to go down it twice!! So after a fun day snowboarding, I was left with bruises on my palms, twisted wrists, a spranged ankle, a bruise on my arse, and soreness everywhere else! It was well worth it.
The ride back was interesting. After we returned all of the stuff, we took off for home. Henry went to drop off Linda and Rosa at their apartment, and like Anthony didn't know how to get there, so Anthony followed Henry and he told him, "Don't go too slow." Well, Henry did not go too slow at all. He was like flying down the mountain, and like Anthony was trying hard to catch up. Then Anthony's window started fogging up and like he couldn't see the road. Remember we were going down a mountain that had a lot of swurvey roads. So after debating which was was the best way to get rid of the fogged up windows, heater or AC, I decided to open the window and let the cold air defog it, and Tuoc wiped some away with a beanie. We were finally able to see and were flying down the mountain again. Henry tailgated a car and that car pulled over to the side. There was a passing lane and Henry was ahead like two car spaces. And like a car goes on the other lane, and passes Anthony. He decides not to pass it, and so now we are a car behind Henry. That was when everyone started making fun of Anthony, especially Tuoc. Well, after about an hour in the car, we finally reached Linda and Rosa's apartment. We chilled there for a while and then went back home. I got dropped off, and I went to change, and then went back into the car. Candy got dropped off, and then we all headed down to Anthony's house. When we got there, Anthony, and Henry changed, and to my surpirse, Rosa was in Henry's car. We didn't know Rosa was in the car. We thought she stayed at the apartment. Well, Tuoc decided to go home, and then we went to Candy's house and at first she didn't want to go, but then we perseuded her into going. We went to Coco's to eat. Truong called and met us up at Coco's. He wanted to go out and do something. After Coco's we then decided to go play CS, so we went to Nocturnal, and spent an hour and a half playing CS. It was a good day despite my injuries.
The ride back was interesting. After we returned all of the stuff, we took off for home. Henry went to drop off Linda and Rosa at their apartment, and like Anthony didn't know how to get there, so Anthony followed Henry and he told him, "Don't go too slow." Well, Henry did not go too slow at all. He was like flying down the mountain, and like Anthony was trying hard to catch up. Then Anthony's window started fogging up and like he couldn't see the road. Remember we were going down a mountain that had a lot of swurvey roads. So after debating which was was the best way to get rid of the fogged up windows, heater or AC, I decided to open the window and let the cold air defog it, and Tuoc wiped some away with a beanie. We were finally able to see and were flying down the mountain again. Henry tailgated a car and that car pulled over to the side. There was a passing lane and Henry was ahead like two car spaces. And like a car goes on the other lane, and passes Anthony. He decides not to pass it, and so now we are a car behind Henry. That was when everyone started making fun of Anthony, especially Tuoc. Well, after about an hour in the car, we finally reached Linda and Rosa's apartment. We chilled there for a while and then went back home. I got dropped off, and I went to change, and then went back into the car. Candy got dropped off, and then we all headed down to Anthony's house. When we got there, Anthony, and Henry changed, and to my surpirse, Rosa was in Henry's car. We didn't know Rosa was in the car. We thought she stayed at the apartment. Well, Tuoc decided to go home, and then we went to Candy's house and at first she didn't want to go, but then we perseuded her into going. We went to Coco's to eat. Truong called and met us up at Coco's. He wanted to go out and do something. After Coco's we then decided to go play CS, so we went to Nocturnal, and spent an hour and a half playing CS. It was a good day despite my injuries.
Friday, January 24, 2003
Awwww....this is what Steffy had on her Xanga...thanks Steffy!!!
THE little stuff that just brighten up your day. today, i got a letter from JOHNSON and that just TOTALLY made my day. i mean, just opening my mailbox and knowing that someone wrote you a letter, is ONE of the best feelings in the WHOLE WORLD!. I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH! thank you for the letter and what you wrote in it. and yes i agree with you, we dont talk as much but i'll try my best to keep in touch with you and hopefully go SEE you again when i have a chance because i still have another year in cali. and of course we will be FRIENDS FOR THE LONGEST TIME.. i will make sure of that because your friendship and what we had before meant so much to me and thank you for caring and understanding my situation. and i valued what we had before and still HAVE now. no one is going to take that away and THANK YOU SOOO SOOOO MUCH!
Went to Roy's house to help him with his essay. Took a little too long, but we finished. Better get a good grade on that essay. I won't accept anything lower than a "B!" Haha...well, I'll update on his grade whenever I find out. I just like got back recently from his house. Van had a kick @$$ essay, but Roy's is still gonna burn yours cuz I helped him! (Hopefully)Gotta go rest up now, Snowboarding later on today, I guess since it is past 12.
THE little stuff that just brighten up your day. today, i got a letter from JOHNSON and that just TOTALLY made my day. i mean, just opening my mailbox and knowing that someone wrote you a letter, is ONE of the best feelings in the WHOLE WORLD!. I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH! thank you for the letter and what you wrote in it. and yes i agree with you, we dont talk as much but i'll try my best to keep in touch with you and hopefully go SEE you again when i have a chance because i still have another year in cali. and of course we will be FRIENDS FOR THE LONGEST TIME.. i will make sure of that because your friendship and what we had before meant so much to me and thank you for caring and understanding my situation. and i valued what we had before and still HAVE now. no one is going to take that away and THANK YOU SOOO SOOOO MUCH!
Went to Roy's house to help him with his essay. Took a little too long, but we finished. Better get a good grade on that essay. I won't accept anything lower than a "B!" Haha...well, I'll update on his grade whenever I find out. I just like got back recently from his house. Van had a kick @$$ essay, but Roy's is still gonna burn yours cuz I helped him! (Hopefully)Gotta go rest up now, Snowboarding later on today, I guess since it is past 12.
Wednesday, January 22, 2003
~!~Very Random Thoughts~!~: So like I am left to do nothing, but just think about stuff, and so I did. I laughed, I cried, I went through a lot of emotions. And then I realized that I am weird. You're probably thinking, "It took you that long to figure it out?" =Þ I know I am, so whatever...trying to turn your life around is so freaking hard, and the first month is not even over. I mean from being a house hermit to Mr. Social is a lot of hard work. I mean I am so used to the security of my room and my bed. Just sitting there, and thinking about everything, good and bad, and like now I am going out more, which costs more money, and talking to people more, etc. I still want to be that loner, quiet, unsocialite that I was before. It is just like being addicted to something...it is so easy to go back, but I am determined to turn things around, and I am doing so well, as I have been told, that I won't quit in what I want to accomplish. Which brings me back to my thoughts. Lately, thinking is the only thing I can do above the chaos that is my family, the fun with my friends, and the booming of the stupid idiot box. Make sense or not, here are my thoughts...
Death: I have always thought about this. I am not afraid of dieing. I have thought about that many times in my suicidal phase. It's more of a, "Would anyone really miss me if I really died?" or "Would anyone show up at my funeral?" and gay stuff like that. I mean I picture that I am no longer on the earth, and like I see people crying, and actually missing me. I feel good that I do picture people actually missing me, but I am looking down on heaven. Then it hits me, it takes my death to realize that people do care. Then comes the topic of the after life. Is there really one? I then see the image of me in the heavens looking down at the caring people at my funeral fade into black. And then I wonder...I won't be able to see if the people do care for me, because all I will see is black. And I can't imagine seeing complete darkness after seeing and experiencing this great and colorful world. I can't imagine closing my eyes and seeing total darkness to sleep, and never opening them again. It just freaks me out.
Friends: Not the ones that are on T.V., but like my friends. Change is bad. It is never good. Such is the case with me and my friends. Having that serious talk with Cindy made me realize that everything has changed and just aren't the same anymore. When we went to go kick it with everyone in our little high school group/circle of friends, it was cool because everyone made it, but then Cindy always feel different. It's always us in that group and their girlfriends. I mean I have nothing agaisnt their girlfriends, I get a long with them really well, but Cindy did make a good point. It's like they have to bring them everywhere. Maybe if I get a girlfriend, I would do the same, but I don't so I can't really determine it. She had a boyfriend for a long time, but she never had to bring him along everytime. And like she just wants it to be us. If she had to choose between going out with us plus the girlfriends or staying home, she'd rather stay home. I would like an all homie kick it, but I still accept their decision to bring their girlfriends. When it's like a couple or two couples and me, or like 3 couples and me, that is when I mind. I feel like I am a drag to bring along, but it is still cool to hang around them, and I still have a great time, but I just feel like a 3rd, 5th, 7th Wheel. When it is with everyone, I don't care much, as long as we are all there.
Past Relationships: Ouch, they hurt. And especially to see them move on and everything. It's like a little bit of jealousy takes over, and like you want to do something about it, but you can't really do anything. Keeping in touch with your ex is the worst. Especially when you still have a little bit of feelings still. But I guess that is life. You have to move on. You can't dwell or linger on the past. I mean they do give you some perspective on life and yourself, but they also cause some insecurities that screw you over for a very long time. Now my relationship with Adelle was open to my friends, but my relationship with Steffy was kept on the DL. I mean I wanted to tell people, but I guess I wasn't ready to reveal myself and be open. It is very hard for ex's to be really close friends after a break up, and if you are able to stay as real close friends, I applaud you. But there is something that just taints the friendship after a relationship break up, and that is the case. I mean I used to talk to Adelle and Steffy a lot. Before and during, but once it ended, it was not smooth sailing. I miss our talks.
The Worst Feeling: In those annoying "This is All You Need to Know About Me" Surveys there usually is a question that asks "Worst Feeling in the World:" I think I have finally found it, well for me anyway. Everyone usually puts down regret. And that is true, but depending on the situation. I put on the last one, Living...(In my not so social phase), but I have found out that it is indeed that little shred of hope that you have lingering on to someone, and you think you have moved on and are doing well, but then you hear from or see that person...and then everything rushes back to you. That feeling is the worst, it screws you over, and you have to move on all over again because you get back all those feelings you tried hard to push away and its all for nothing. yeah, Juju and I are trying to describe it and she mentioned heartbreak, but I feel that is too strong of a word for that feeling because it can also be used for a crush that you never hooked up with. I am going through that feeling now. *sigh* Oh well...
"Family": Haha...what a funny topic. Family, I guess that is the label for the people I live with. Though that is not what I would call them(with the exception to Peter) My parents are back at that "Okay, nothing has happened, so let's just pretend to be a freaking happy couple" phase again. My mom still talks to me as if I am a freaking 6 year old. She has to explain every little thing to me. My dad...I don't really know what is going on with my dad. I have heard stuff going on with him. So I don't see how this "family" is still here. Frankly, it should have been over a long time ago. I hate this. My gay brother by bloodline(Grrr....) Hanson is stupid and annoying as fuck. He thinks he is funny, but is just annoying. I mind my own business and ignore him because that is the only thing I can do, and yet he still decides to bug me and annoy me. And recently, we got into a fist fight over his stipidity and anooyance. Nothing really happened. Peter is the only person who can relate to me because he hates Hanson as well. He is the one I can talk to(whenever he approaches me, I'm still not at that part where I can just openly start a conversation with him). He is the only person keeping me sane in this household. I find myself worse off than I was before. Every minute in this household is just making my situation worse. I see myself getting worse off every passing day. I want out all ready!!! This place is not healthy, but it is the only place I have to go...HELP!!!!
Conan O' Brien and TiVo: The guy who can bring my spirits up because his show is so funny and hilarious. His show has dumb comedy and I just find it to be really funny! Sometimes I am not able to watch him because he is on so late, but whenever I do,(especially on my break) I am laughing up a roit. So if you ever see me sad or down, just bring over a recorded Conan O'Brien episode and we'll watch it and I should be back to normal in no time! My friend Kathie and I were talking about pitching in and buying a TiVo, so it can record our shows and we can concentrate on school and stuff more. That would be so cool. We could just record Smallville, or Friends, or Everwood, or Good Morning Miami, or Will and Grace, and even Conan! (I don't think we were serious, but that would be so kick arse!)
School: This is all I have to look forward to. I never thought I would be saying that I wanted to go back to school, but it is the only thing that can take my mind off of the reality that is my life. Plus I want to attack those books and get my damn 4.0 G.P.A because that 2.46 is just depressing. Everyone is telling me that it is good, but good isn't good enough. I am just heading back to my high school antics and it is pissing me off, because I did not want to do that. I have to get an "A" in English to prove to myself that I am a good writer. I also have to do it as a tribute to my High School Senior English Teacher, Ms. Cobian. She passed me with a "C" just so I wouldn't be on contract at Fullerton, even though I deserved an "F" due to my lack of caring and slacking off. So I am going to push myself to the limit. Frankly, I don't care if this causes me to break down this semester, but I need to get that "A" for her, and for myself. To prove to myself that I deserve to be at Fullerton.
Her: *sigh* Juju knows who "her" is, but doesn't know her. And not many people do. So here goes...
"(Cause) I’m feeling nervous
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it"
--Avril Lavigne
A letter to her that I wrote one day just expressing myself, but I have no intention on giving it to her. I am such a wimp. *sigh*
Dear Someone...
I should have gotten over you by now, but there is something about you that I cannot let go. I should have moved on with my life, but there is something that just lingers on to you. And I don't know if it is a bad or good feeling because ever since I met you, I cannot distingush between the two. Maybe, I don't want to move on, or maybe I just can't. I mean there are "plenty of fish in the sea," right? But why is it that I cannot find someone who compares to you? You make me want to be a person, not only for myself, but for you as well. Everytime I get a chance to see you, I have to prepare myself nicely, so I don't appear as a slob. I make sure everything is perfect, but whenever I see you, you make my heart skip a beat. I am shaking from nervousness. The funny thing is, I've seen you many times, but everytime, I see you, you cause the same effects to come over me. My heart flutters whenever I see you from a distance, and as I finally see you face to face, my knees get weak and I feel like I am going to collapse. This happens everytime I know I am going to visit you or see you. Do you know how hard it is to hold back every feeling that I feel for you and just try to be your friend? When everytime I see you, I keep thinking back to the past, of you and me and how great it was to hold you, hug you, just be with you. Changes happened and now I cannot see you as often as I like, but the little time I do get to spend with you is worth every second. You make me want to be someone better than who I am. You make me want to be the perfect guy...for you. I see myself trying to move on, but then everything, including my thoughts, just reflect back upon you. I cannot imagine my life without ever meeting you. You always stood out from everyone else in my eyes, and you always had a gleam of confidence in you. I did not have a doubt in my mind that you would have made a great leader and a great captain. And for as long as I have known you, you bring the best out of me. Do you know how much you have changed me? I can't picture my life without you there, because you were a significant part of it. I care for you alot, more than you'll know.
Death: I have always thought about this. I am not afraid of dieing. I have thought about that many times in my suicidal phase. It's more of a, "Would anyone really miss me if I really died?" or "Would anyone show up at my funeral?" and gay stuff like that. I mean I picture that I am no longer on the earth, and like I see people crying, and actually missing me. I feel good that I do picture people actually missing me, but I am looking down on heaven. Then it hits me, it takes my death to realize that people do care. Then comes the topic of the after life. Is there really one? I then see the image of me in the heavens looking down at the caring people at my funeral fade into black. And then I wonder...I won't be able to see if the people do care for me, because all I will see is black. And I can't imagine seeing complete darkness after seeing and experiencing this great and colorful world. I can't imagine closing my eyes and seeing total darkness to sleep, and never opening them again. It just freaks me out.
Friends: Not the ones that are on T.V., but like my friends. Change is bad. It is never good. Such is the case with me and my friends. Having that serious talk with Cindy made me realize that everything has changed and just aren't the same anymore. When we went to go kick it with everyone in our little high school group/circle of friends, it was cool because everyone made it, but then Cindy always feel different. It's always us in that group and their girlfriends. I mean I have nothing agaisnt their girlfriends, I get a long with them really well, but Cindy did make a good point. It's like they have to bring them everywhere. Maybe if I get a girlfriend, I would do the same, but I don't so I can't really determine it. She had a boyfriend for a long time, but she never had to bring him along everytime. And like she just wants it to be us. If she had to choose between going out with us plus the girlfriends or staying home, she'd rather stay home. I would like an all homie kick it, but I still accept their decision to bring their girlfriends. When it's like a couple or two couples and me, or like 3 couples and me, that is when I mind. I feel like I am a drag to bring along, but it is still cool to hang around them, and I still have a great time, but I just feel like a 3rd, 5th, 7th Wheel. When it is with everyone, I don't care much, as long as we are all there.
Past Relationships: Ouch, they hurt. And especially to see them move on and everything. It's like a little bit of jealousy takes over, and like you want to do something about it, but you can't really do anything. Keeping in touch with your ex is the worst. Especially when you still have a little bit of feelings still. But I guess that is life. You have to move on. You can't dwell or linger on the past. I mean they do give you some perspective on life and yourself, but they also cause some insecurities that screw you over for a very long time. Now my relationship with Adelle was open to my friends, but my relationship with Steffy was kept on the DL. I mean I wanted to tell people, but I guess I wasn't ready to reveal myself and be open. It is very hard for ex's to be really close friends after a break up, and if you are able to stay as real close friends, I applaud you. But there is something that just taints the friendship after a relationship break up, and that is the case. I mean I used to talk to Adelle and Steffy a lot. Before and during, but once it ended, it was not smooth sailing. I miss our talks.
The Worst Feeling: In those annoying "This is All You Need to Know About Me" Surveys there usually is a question that asks "Worst Feeling in the World:" I think I have finally found it, well for me anyway. Everyone usually puts down regret. And that is true, but depending on the situation. I put on the last one, Living...(In my not so social phase), but I have found out that it is indeed that little shred of hope that you have lingering on to someone, and you think you have moved on and are doing well, but then you hear from or see that person...and then everything rushes back to you. That feeling is the worst, it screws you over, and you have to move on all over again because you get back all those feelings you tried hard to push away and its all for nothing. yeah, Juju and I are trying to describe it and she mentioned heartbreak, but I feel that is too strong of a word for that feeling because it can also be used for a crush that you never hooked up with. I am going through that feeling now. *sigh* Oh well...
"Family": Haha...what a funny topic. Family, I guess that is the label for the people I live with. Though that is not what I would call them(with the exception to Peter) My parents are back at that "Okay, nothing has happened, so let's just pretend to be a freaking happy couple" phase again. My mom still talks to me as if I am a freaking 6 year old. She has to explain every little thing to me. My dad...I don't really know what is going on with my dad. I have heard stuff going on with him. So I don't see how this "family" is still here. Frankly, it should have been over a long time ago. I hate this. My gay brother by bloodline(Grrr....) Hanson is stupid and annoying as fuck. He thinks he is funny, but is just annoying. I mind my own business and ignore him because that is the only thing I can do, and yet he still decides to bug me and annoy me. And recently, we got into a fist fight over his stipidity and anooyance. Nothing really happened. Peter is the only person who can relate to me because he hates Hanson as well. He is the one I can talk to(whenever he approaches me, I'm still not at that part where I can just openly start a conversation with him). He is the only person keeping me sane in this household. I find myself worse off than I was before. Every minute in this household is just making my situation worse. I see myself getting worse off every passing day. I want out all ready!!! This place is not healthy, but it is the only place I have to go...HELP!!!!
Conan O' Brien and TiVo: The guy who can bring my spirits up because his show is so funny and hilarious. His show has dumb comedy and I just find it to be really funny! Sometimes I am not able to watch him because he is on so late, but whenever I do,(especially on my break) I am laughing up a roit. So if you ever see me sad or down, just bring over a recorded Conan O'Brien episode and we'll watch it and I should be back to normal in no time! My friend Kathie and I were talking about pitching in and buying a TiVo, so it can record our shows and we can concentrate on school and stuff more. That would be so cool. We could just record Smallville, or Friends, or Everwood, or Good Morning Miami, or Will and Grace, and even Conan! (I don't think we were serious, but that would be so kick arse!)
School: This is all I have to look forward to. I never thought I would be saying that I wanted to go back to school, but it is the only thing that can take my mind off of the reality that is my life. Plus I want to attack those books and get my damn 4.0 G.P.A because that 2.46 is just depressing. Everyone is telling me that it is good, but good isn't good enough. I am just heading back to my high school antics and it is pissing me off, because I did not want to do that. I have to get an "A" in English to prove to myself that I am a good writer. I also have to do it as a tribute to my High School Senior English Teacher, Ms. Cobian. She passed me with a "C" just so I wouldn't be on contract at Fullerton, even though I deserved an "F" due to my lack of caring and slacking off. So I am going to push myself to the limit. Frankly, I don't care if this causes me to break down this semester, but I need to get that "A" for her, and for myself. To prove to myself that I deserve to be at Fullerton.
Her: *sigh* Juju knows who "her" is, but doesn't know her. And not many people do. So here goes...
Trying to be so perfect
Cause I know you’re worth it
You’re worth it"
--Avril Lavigne
A letter to her that I wrote one day just expressing myself, but I have no intention on giving it to her. I am such a wimp. *sigh*
Dear Someone...
I should have gotten over you by now, but there is something about you that I cannot let go. I should have moved on with my life, but there is something that just lingers on to you. And I don't know if it is a bad or good feeling because ever since I met you, I cannot distingush between the two. Maybe, I don't want to move on, or maybe I just can't. I mean there are "plenty of fish in the sea," right? But why is it that I cannot find someone who compares to you? You make me want to be a person, not only for myself, but for you as well. Everytime I get a chance to see you, I have to prepare myself nicely, so I don't appear as a slob. I make sure everything is perfect, but whenever I see you, you make my heart skip a beat. I am shaking from nervousness. The funny thing is, I've seen you many times, but everytime, I see you, you cause the same effects to come over me. My heart flutters whenever I see you from a distance, and as I finally see you face to face, my knees get weak and I feel like I am going to collapse. This happens everytime I know I am going to visit you or see you. Do you know how hard it is to hold back every feeling that I feel for you and just try to be your friend? When everytime I see you, I keep thinking back to the past, of you and me and how great it was to hold you, hug you, just be with you. Changes happened and now I cannot see you as often as I like, but the little time I do get to spend with you is worth every second. You make me want to be someone better than who I am. You make me want to be the perfect guy...for you. I see myself trying to move on, but then everything, including my thoughts, just reflect back upon you. I cannot imagine my life without ever meeting you. You always stood out from everyone else in my eyes, and you always had a gleam of confidence in you. I did not have a doubt in my mind that you would have made a great leader and a great captain. And for as long as I have known you, you bring the best out of me. Do you know how much you have changed me? I can't picture my life without you there, because you were a significant part of it. I care for you alot, more than you'll know.
Sunday, January 19, 2003
Happy Birthday Lysa and Lyly Tran!!! Hey there you two UCLA Bruins! Well, its been like 4 years since we have known eachother, but like 2 or 3 since we actually talked or gotten to know eachother. You two are completely different, and I don't see how some people cannot tell you two apart. You two have been really interesting to get to know, or at least made my life a little more interesting. You two are usually used to being referred to as The Twins and like recieving a combined message or something for the both of you, but here are some individual messages for you.
Lysa: You seemed to be more talkative. At least with me. We have done so much throughout our high school life, take pictures, 2001 Sadies, 2001 Prom, and those games of Scrabble in the middle of the night because we could never sleep.(Of course you could never beat me because I am just that good! Haha) You have been a cool friend to talk to and go out with. It's been fun, but now we're in college and we don't talk or hang out that much, but I just wanted to let ya know that you are a great friend. Don't change...even when the time comes and you get yourself a boyfriend. Oh, and enough with the nail polish!!! Haha...Happy 19th Birthday!
Lyly: Hey there Lysa's sister...haha...j/p. Well, you were the twin who would smack me alot. It was like, I'd poke you, then you'd smack me. I remember and you surprised me. I never poked you again. But you have been a cool friend too. I still remember working on the Shakepearian project with ya in English 1 Honors. You were quiet then. Later on, you became more talkative, and we have had many weird and late night talks. Most of time you were asking me "What are you talking about?" Haha. I am glad that I got a chance to get to know you and your sister. You have been a good friend. Thanks a lot and Happy 19th Birthday you old geezer!!
Friday, January 17, 2003
Reunited, And It Feels So Good!!! - Today was the day for a gathering of everyone at Golden Cue, a pool hall that is near where we live. Friends are the most important thing in your life, and it is true. My friends have been there for me, and have became like family to me. We are a very close knit group, and despite us going our seperate ways for college, we still manage to like plan a monthly thing and kick it. The last time we went out, we couldn't get a hold of Truong. I finally caught him online, and invited him to do something when he came back. He said he would be down to go, so I then invited everyone else who used to hang out in our little group in high school. This would be the first time that all of us would hang out together since...well, High School. I mean, a couple of us would hang out and stuff. Some of us see eachother more than others, and someone would always be missing when we went out. But, today all of us would finally hang out together. The old group was J.T., J.V., Roy, Truong, David, Candy, Cindy, and me. Anthony and Henry went to our high school, but they hung around a different group. Well Everyone showed up, including their girlfriends. (Nina, Kathy, Thao, and Joanne) An added bonus was when our friend Van and his girlfriend Julie(J.V.'s cousin) was there as well. Van went to South El Monte for freshman year, but then he moved away to West Covina. So we all went in and played pool, darts, and a touch screen game thing. It was cool to have everyone there. (See, when other people plan thing, they always miss a couple of people, but when I plan things, I get everyone! I'm just that cool..haha...j/p) Well after about an hour or two at the pool hall, everyone decided to go out and eat. Anthony and Henry went to go play CS. We went to Bacalli's Cafe, and like Cindy and I had a cool talk. After waiting for like 30 minutes, we finally got a table and got to grub. Food was okay. What can you expect from Bacalli's? Anyways, we then went to Roy's house to chill. We were watching a video about these Japanese drifters who did crazy things to their cars. It was cool. I then went to talk to Jessica, Roy's little sister. Then, everyone slowly started to go home, and the big group soon decreased. Truong, Candy, Cindy, and I were the last ones to leave, and then as I was walking home at like 1 in the morning(Don't worry, I only live two short blocks away from Roy, we all live pretty close to eachother), Truong drove up next to me and Candy asked if I wanted to go play CS, so we went to Nocturnal and met up Anthony, Henry, and Jaime. So basically this was a 518 Clan gathering as well. All of the 518 members were there playing CS. Candy(OuchGurl518 o_O), Anthony(Coolboi518 ^_^), Henry(BadBoi518 -_-), Jaime(yOyObOi518 +_+), newcomer Truong(BruinBoi@_@), and me(Niceboi518 >_<) were all there. So not only did our little circle of friends finally reunite, but our Clan did as well.
Lysa: You seemed to be more talkative. At least with me. We have done so much throughout our high school life, take pictures, 2001 Sadies, 2001 Prom, and those games of Scrabble in the middle of the night because we could never sleep.(Of course you could never beat me because I am just that good! Haha) You have been a cool friend to talk to and go out with. It's been fun, but now we're in college and we don't talk or hang out that much, but I just wanted to let ya know that you are a great friend. Don't change...even when the time comes and you get yourself a boyfriend. Oh, and enough with the nail polish!!! Haha...Happy 19th Birthday!
Lyly: Hey there Lysa's sister...haha...j/p. Well, you were the twin who would smack me alot. It was like, I'd poke you, then you'd smack me. I remember and you surprised me. I never poked you again. But you have been a cool friend too. I still remember working on the Shakepearian project with ya in English 1 Honors. You were quiet then. Later on, you became more talkative, and we have had many weird and late night talks. Most of time you were asking me "What are you talking about?" Haha. I am glad that I got a chance to get to know you and your sister. You have been a good friend. Thanks a lot and Happy 19th Birthday you old geezer!!
Reunited, And It Feels So Good!!! - Today was the day for a gathering of everyone at Golden Cue, a pool hall that is near where we live. Friends are the most important thing in your life, and it is true. My friends have been there for me, and have became like family to me. We are a very close knit group, and despite us going our seperate ways for college, we still manage to like plan a monthly thing and kick it. The last time we went out, we couldn't get a hold of Truong. I finally caught him online, and invited him to do something when he came back. He said he would be down to go, so I then invited everyone else who used to hang out in our little group in high school. This would be the first time that all of us would hang out together since...well, High School. I mean, a couple of us would hang out and stuff. Some of us see eachother more than others, and someone would always be missing when we went out. But, today all of us would finally hang out together. The old group was J.T., J.V., Roy, Truong, David, Candy, Cindy, and me. Anthony and Henry went to our high school, but they hung around a different group. Well Everyone showed up, including their girlfriends. (Nina, Kathy, Thao, and Joanne) An added bonus was when our friend Van and his girlfriend Julie(J.V.'s cousin) was there as well. Van went to South El Monte for freshman year, but then he moved away to West Covina. So we all went in and played pool, darts, and a touch screen game thing. It was cool to have everyone there. (See, when other people plan thing, they always miss a couple of people, but when I plan things, I get everyone! I'm just that cool..haha...j/p) Well after about an hour or two at the pool hall, everyone decided to go out and eat. Anthony and Henry went to go play CS. We went to Bacalli's Cafe, and like Cindy and I had a cool talk. After waiting for like 30 minutes, we finally got a table and got to grub. Food was okay. What can you expect from Bacalli's? Anyways, we then went to Roy's house to chill. We were watching a video about these Japanese drifters who did crazy things to their cars. It was cool. I then went to talk to Jessica, Roy's little sister. Then, everyone slowly started to go home, and the big group soon decreased. Truong, Candy, Cindy, and I were the last ones to leave, and then as I was walking home at like 1 in the morning(Don't worry, I only live two short blocks away from Roy, we all live pretty close to eachother), Truong drove up next to me and Candy asked if I wanted to go play CS, so we went to Nocturnal and met up Anthony, Henry, and Jaime. So basically this was a 518 Clan gathering as well. All of the 518 members were there playing CS. Candy(OuchGurl518 o_O), Anthony(Coolboi518 ^_^), Henry(BadBoi518 -_-), Jaime(yOyObOi518 +_+), newcomer Truong(BruinBoi@_@), and me(Niceboi518 >_<) were all there. So not only did our little circle of friends finally reunite, but our Clan did as well.
Tuesday, January 14, 2003
After much planning ,discussion, invitations to friends to go snowboarding, and a lot of freaking money for the gear, cabin, food and lift ticket, the time has finally arrived. This was a trip for the ages, or probably a trip for people before school started. (For some, because some already started school.) The brave adventurers who would be engaging in this snowboarding trip were Anthony, Candy, Henry, Jaime, Rosa, Linda(Rosa's cousin and Henry's sister), and myself. The Magnificent Seven! This day started really boring. It seems when you anticipate something, it just seems to come by slower, but for someone trying to be more social, this was a must go to trip. I had some beef with my snowboarding overalls and Ant wanted a pair of snowboarding pants with a belt, like Henry's did, so we went to Sportsmart and exchanged our things. (This was like at about 3:00PM, and I did not even pack yet...)After that we went to Sav-ons to get a video tape for the camcorder and batteries for my ghetto protable T.V. Cost me 17 freaking dollars! Oh well. After that Ant went to get some windshield wipers because his were getting crappy. Well, I got dropped off at home and packed. Ant came at 6:00PM, picked me up and we went back to his house. Henry just arrived when we did, and Rosa and Linda were already there. The five of us went shopping at Superior for food and snacks. After about an hour at the market, we were done. We went back to Ant's house and waited for Jaime, but Anthony and I went to go pick up some items at my house and to pick up Candy. We were all finally there, and then we took off for Big Bear, but with a stop at the bank for Henry first. We all didn't eat and while at the bank, Candy decided to go buy Arby's. Now, finally, we were off to Big Bear! The drive was quite all right, until we hit the area that led up the mountain. The turns and swurves were really fun at first, but then became nauseating, to me anyways and especially on an empty stomach...blah. But we finally made it up the mountain and now we were trying to find our cabin. Anthony was leading and Jaime was following. Ant was following the directions that he wrote down on a piece of paper. The lady that we called gave it to him, but she forgot to mention to make a left at Big Bear Blvd., so this caused us to get lost. It was funny though because Candy(who was riding with Jaime) called Ant and asked him, "Do you know where we are going?" And Ant said, "Of course I know where I'm going. I'm Coolboi!" So we drive and we never found Moonridge, the street we were suppose to turn on. So we are at this weird street, and Anthony pulls over and gets out of the car and says, "I'm lost!" Well, we all went out and were messing with the hard snow because most of us never experienced snow of any kind. We then got in the car and we called the lady. She led us to Moonridge and then the connection died out on us. (Thanks a lot, stupid T-Mobile) Ant couldn't find his paper with the directions and the address of the cabin, so just based on memory we drove to find our cabin. We did get lost a little bit because of the weird roads, but we finally found the street our cabin was at, Sylviangren. We drove up the street and looked at the many cabins that were there. Since we didn't have the paper with the address, based on memory, Ant and Rosa remembered the address number as 1607 or something. The lady told us that she left the lights on for us and the door was unlocked. We stopped in front of a cabin that looked pretty nice. Everyone in Ant's car was like "That is a nice cabin!" The problem, it was 1706 and like we thought that someone lived there, so we decided to drive higher up assuming that if 1706 was there, 1607 must be up more. We drove up until Sylviangren became another street so we pulled over again and then Ant got out and went to Jaime's car and said, "I lost the paper with the address!" Linda and I went out to look for the paper, not believing that it fell out or something and then Linda found it in between the driver side car door and the seat. Looking at the paper, we realized that the cabin we stopped in front of before was our cabin. We drove back to it and parked, and then we all got out of the car and ran into the cabin. Candy got dropped by Jaime. It left a mark!(Poor Candy) Anyways, the cabin was very nice. It wasn't that big, but it was very cozy. There was a living room with a sofa, loveseat, lounge chair, T.V., furnace(a stove-like fireplace thingy), the works! Plus a bedroom with a queen or king size bed, with a closet and a T.V. in there as well. Upstairs was a little room that had two full or twin sized beds. There was a backyard that overlooked the forest, which is pretty cool, but also very creepy. The bad thing...a 3/4 restroom. Not a full one!! WTH?!?! I'm sorry, but I am picky about my restroom space. (When I own my own house, I want a big restroom and closet!) Anyway, after claiming our beds and stuff, it dawned on us that we should unload all of our stuff, so we brought in all of our stuff and plopped it down and made a big pile in the middle of the living room. We found out that the beds we claimed wouldn't fit all seven of us, so we had to move people around. Ant(who claimed the queen sized bed in the bedroom all to himself) and Candy took the two beds upstairs(I sacrificed my bed, *sniff sniff*), Rosa and Linda took the queen size bed in the bedroom, since they are cousins and the only people who would share a bed(Soon to find out that was not true), and Jaime, Henry, and I took the sofa, loveseat, and lounge chair, respectively. (I always wanted to say that, "respectively." I feel more like a journalist. *wink wink*@ Juju) We unpacked our stuff, and made the cozy little cabin feel more like home. After that, everyone went to check out the back or watch T.V. I went to play games on the ghetto SEGA Genesis that was included with the cabin. They found wood in the back, but it was too wet to start in the furnace, so the heater would have to do this night. Everyone was watching T.V and then Jaime discovered something about the sofa. It wasn't just a sofa, but in fact a sofabed! It folded out and then Ant, Jaime, and Henry all got on it to watch T.V. Ant, Linda, and Rosa went into the bedroom to play games, while Henry and Jaime went to sleep on the sofabed(maybe they should have slept in the queen sized bed! haha, j/p), and I went upstairs to chat with Candy and keep her company. We just chatted and caught up on things. Anthony came up and then I got out of the bed(which was really comfortable) and went downstairs. After brushing up and like setting up my sleep area, Anthony and Candy came down and wanted something to eat. I decided to make sandwiches because the real food that we had was for the next 2 days. All of a sudden, Rosa and Linda came out of their room, and I offered to make them a sandwich, and then Henry arose from his slumber and wanted one as well. He said Jaime was awake and I asked if he wanted one. He did, but then knocked out right after. So I made sandwiches for everyone. They said to let Jaime sleep, so I did. After sandwiches, everyone went to sleep. Rosa helped me dry the dishes after I washed them, and then she tried to start a fire in the furnace. I decided to read some magazines and she decided to burn one. I saw one with Kirsten Dunst and told her to burn that one because I don't like her. She ripped it page by page and tried to fuel the fire with te magazine, but was unsuccessful. I had brought a folder with paper so I could write about my snowboard experience, poems, stories, or whatever. I was going to write something, but then Rosa jacked me and started drawing little pictures. Rosa really wanted to go and find her camera that she lost, so first we go and look in the car and around the car. I was just wearing my black Nike Sweatshirt and shorts. It wasn't there. So next she wanted to go walk the neighborhood because she thought that she lost it when we pulled over at the top of the street, so I had to go and change into a jacket and sweats. I used Henry's because it was closer. I also brought my gloves and my beanie. Rosa used my jacket. We walked up to the spot where we pulled over and searched for the camera, but it was no where to be found. Rosa looked up and we saw the beautiful night sky. There were stars everywhere! It was so nice! It was better than the meteor shower that occurred like in November/December recently, where even people in the smog covered city could see it. Rosa's gloves were not keeping her warm, so I traded gloves with her.(I had the expensive ones made for snow, she had some crappy leather ones that cost a lot less) I kept seeing things that were really freaky and things moving, but it was just my eyes playing tricks on me and our shadows. To make things worse, we heard a freaky thing calling. I am not sure what the hell it was, but I sure as hell was not going to find out. I just kept telling myself that it was a bird, just to calm myself down. We got back in the cabin, and warmed up because it was so freaking cold. After a while, Rosa went to her room to go to sleep. Henry got off the sofabed and moved over to the lovesear. I got on to the lounge chair with the foot stool to support me and the coffee table with a cushion on top for my feet, so I was sleeping on this uneven unproportioned "bed," but it was all right. I knocked out at about 4:00AM, and the lady was coming over at 8:30AM to collect the money from us for the cabin. It was freaking $607.50! AI-YAH! So thus ends Day 1.
I woke up at 7:00AM due to Anthony's creeping. He jumped over me on the lounge chair, footstool, and table, and like had a rough landing and it woke me up. Some other people were awake , but I forget who. There is this bell that rings pretty loud, and Anthony got it and brought it upstairs. Candy was still sleeping. He told me to go up and record it with his camcorder, so I did. He rang it and she woke up, but she didn't jump or anything. She just kept complaining to Anthony about a loud ring that was right next to her ear. Well it was time for breakfast, and everyone began to do their morning hygiene. I was busy cooking eggs, bacon, sausage, and toast. It was pretty tough to make things even because there was pretty much 12 of everything and 7 people, so a little compromise was inorder, but eventually everything worked out. (Plates were also a problem, but two little plates equals one big one). After about an hour in the kitchen, I was done, and Candy, Rosa, and Linda helped bring plates from the kitchen to the dining table. There were only 6 chairs, so I chose to use the footstool as my chair. We ate the food to gain energy for snowboarding. After breakfast, I cleared the table and washed the dishes. The lady stopped by to pick up the money, and we all put in our share for the cabin. After she collected the money, we decided to get ready for snowboarding. We all got dressed and ready with our jackets and stuff, but we were hanging around for a while and it started to get hot, so the jackets, beanies, and gloves came off. (Not to mention that we had like shirts and sweats on under the jacket because we thought we would be too cold.) We finally left and went to a store near Snow Summit and rented our boots and snowboard. It only cost $20 for both, which was pretty cheap, but then we still had to lift tickets to buy. All of a sudden after we bought our stuff, nature called, and I really had to use the restroom. (Not just number one mind you) It was weird, it just hit me like right before we were going to snowboard, so they took me back to the cabin(because I didn't trust the public restrooms) and yeah took a quickie. So after 5 minutes, I was ready to die. So we drove to Snow Summit, which was not that far away from our cabin, but there was no parking up there, so we had to drive to an alternative parking lot, but that had no parking as well, so we drove to another one located on Garstan. We then put on our boots and got our boards and walked to the truck that transports people to the top of the mountain to the ski lift ticket area. We got in line and bought tickets. They only cost $35 rather than the $50 we anticipated. I wanted a half day ticket, but they didn't go on sale until 12, and I didn't want to wait for an hour, so I just spent 9 dollars more. To make matters worse, the guy at the counter did not believe that I was still a teen. Teen tickets were a lot cheaper and stopped at age 19. I was only 18, but he didn't believe me. So he asked for ID and I went to take it out, but I had given it to the snowboard rental place. They wanted to hold on to it, so if anything happened to the boards we would be liable for it. Eventually he let me have the teen lift ticket. We then were finally ready for snowboarding! We went on the Internediate lift and when it was my turn to get on with Henry, I slipped and fell, so I had to go on the next one with some guy. He was really nice, he helped me up and was talking to me and giving me tips on how to snowboard, and how to get off the lift. When we finally reached the top, I got off the lift, and guess what? I fell. Then I got back up, but I kept falling down. This was just at the top, I wasn't even going down the slopeI couldn't even stand up, so after a hundred falls, I finally made it to where everyone was at. Henry saw me fall down a lot. I went to go buckle up my other foot onto the snowboard and the next thing I know when I look up is that everyone is gone. They all went down the slope, so I buckled quick and then tried to go down to catch up with them. Only problem, I couldn't stand up. I kept falling down and after like a 20 minute effort of trying to stand up without falling down, I got tired, and already hurt my wrist and palm. Not to mention my knees. I then crawled my way to a bench and then spent a lot of time looking at how other people were doing it. They jumped and then were off. So I thought I could do it, so I stood up, but only fell down once again. It was troubling. I was trying to snowboard and then I couldn't even stand on my stupid snowboard. Ant called me and was telling me to go down. I told him I was and like I couldn't even stand, but then eventually I saw some more people do it, and then went for it. I stood up, and hopped and I took off! I was snowboarding! Then after a few feet, I fell. The slope split into two. Ant told me to go on the right, so I did. IT looked a lot less flat, and I was doing well, traveling pretty far distance and falling. And I kept picking myself up. It was really difficult, because I got tired of picking myself up, and sometimes I had to turn my body around, with the snowboard attached to my legs, so I was like rolling around, probably looking really funny. I took off my glasses and put them in my jacket pocket, but like they fell off, so I wore them underneath my goggles, even though they fogged up. I kept snowboarding down, but none of my friends were to be found. I then hit this little slope, but I couldn't make it over. I tried to get up and go down it, but I couldnt make the curve. And one time I got up and snowboarded a couple of feet and fell, but then my camera fell, and these guys told me about it which was really cool, but then I had to go crawl my way bac the few feet I had jsut traveled. (Gay!) So after like 15 minutes trying to get up and snowboard and falling, I just decided to take off my snowboard and walk it. It was okay, but then I slipped and started riding on my butt. Some girl on the ski lift yelled out, "If you are going to walk downwards, go in a diaginal motion! It's much easier!" So I took her advice and it was easier. I walked and walked until I reached another split. This time both slopes were very, very steep, so no matter which one I chose, I would slip and ride it. I chose the one on the right. I started walking down and then i just slipped and fell, but since it was so steep, I just kept riding it on my @$$. One of the workers came skiing up to me and started asking me if I was okay and stuff, and I was having a normal conversation with her, me sliding down on my butt and her skiing down on, well, skis. She said that she should probably call for assistance to help me get down the slope, but she saw that I wasn't hurt or anything, so she let me ride down the hill on my butt. She then told me what was coming up, so I could prepare to slide. There were two more steep slopes then I would hit the bottom and be able to walk to the bottom. So I rode and rode...It was really fun! I even learned how to control myself by digging my hand into the snow, so I could control if I was going left or right. On the last steep slope, I was going down and then all of a sudden, I went haywire. I was sliding down, looking down, then I turned, and I was facing the back, then I was sliding on my back and then all of a sudden I flipped over, all the while gripping on to my snowboard, because I didn't want to lose it and pay $500. I flipped over and the snowboard was under me, and then I rode the slope like Superman on my stomach and chest down. It felt so cool and was really really fun! I was going fast too! The girl on the skis was right behind me to make sure that I was going to be okay. I finally reached the bottom of the slope and saw the lift area. It was sad that it had to end. I then said my goodbye to the nice worker lady, and then walked my way to the lfits. I called Anthony, and he told me that they were almost down. So I found a bench to sit at and rest. I saw Candy walking, and called to her. She came to me and asked me how was it. I wanted to tell her about my superman ride and buttslide, but then she was asking if I wanted to go up again. I said no, because I had quite the experience, but then she said that it was a waste of money. I didn't care. I tried doing it and that was good enough for me. I would have never even gone, but to go was an accomplishment to me already. We then walked to Ant and Jaime, who were resting by a van. And like we were sharing our snowboard story with eachother and I was telling about how I struggled to stand up and stuff, and then Candy was telling me "Because you didn't try and shit, at least they(Ant and Jaime) tried, and got the hang of it!" That just pissed me off. I did try. I tried really hard It isn't my freaking fault that I couldn't freaking stand up on my board. And what the hell? Everyone jsut left me, so I was left to do this new thing on my own. I didn't give up until i couldn't do it anymore. I was in a good moood, and I really tried to do it, but I was just not that good. If this was a year ago, and she told me that "I didn't try," I wouldn't care because I probably didn't, but this year I am trying new things, and actually doing my freaking best to be more social and have more fun, and worry less about everything. And then Candy freaking tells me that "I didn't even try." That was another thing that pissed me off. I was trying my best and hardest, and I couldn't get it, which frustrated me and got me mad. It's discouraging to find out that you are trying your hardest and you just can't seem to get it. So I was mad throughout the whole ride back to the cabin. I didn't talk to anyone. And not to mention that I was crying the whole way back to the cabin as well. I hate myself, because when I get upset or angry, tears just come out. Oh well. When we finally went back to the cabin, we all just relaxed. Candy apologized to me on the mountain, but I didn't want to talk to her. When we got home, I guess I just calmed down, and everything was back to normal, sort of. Candy had a big scrape on her back due to the other night when Jaime dropped her on hard ice, and like I brought a mini first aid kit, and let her use it. Ant, Jaime, and I then went to go buy some groceries for lunch. (It was like 3 all ready.) There were two markets and we went to both, One was like a convienietn store, and the other was a mini market that had everything we were looking for. We were browsing the store and stumbled upon Hot Cocoa and Marshmellows!!! (They had small marshmellows, but they were all hard and crusty, so we got the bigger ones, and then Jaime was like, "Will they work?" Because he was thinking about the Simpsons episode where Bart put in a big marshmellow and it absorbed all the cocoa and then he had to eat it with a knife and fork!! Haha) Then I saw pasta and stuff and decided that I would make spaghetti for lunch. Ant bought soup for himself, and then I bought some stuff for omlettes for tomorrow's breakfast. We also bought insence, Cool Water smell. Then we went to buy firewood because we bought firestarters so we would have a fire in the furnace! When we got back, everyone looked tired and was relaxing in the living area watching T.V. It was time for cooking. I boiled some water for the spaghetti, and also poured some in the kettle and made the Hot Cocoa for everyone. Anthony wanted to grill the meat on the bar-be-que, so he cleaned and prepared it, but soon found out that there was not enough coal. I wanted to pan fry it. Somehow, BBQ just doesn't taste good, unless you do it right, and by the looks of things, there would be trouble. Anyways, the spaghetti lunch just turned into a big giant dinner, a linner you might say. Anyways, it was a feast! We had soup, spaghetti with meat sauce(I had to make the meat sauce because I grabbed the wrong jar of pasta sauce. We were suppose to get all ready prepared meat sauce. But then Jaime and Henry went to go buy Parmesian cheese and ground beef when they went to return the snowboards and boots.), garlic bread(something I decided to make at the last minute. My first time too! And it was good!), steak, and baked potato. Dinner went well, and after I was slaving over the kitchen for 3 hours right after snowboarding, I was too tired to do the dishes. Trust me, there was a lot of dishes!! (Ask Candy..hehe..she is god! You'll find out what I mean on Day 3) We all were watching "She's All That" during dinner. It ended, and then I remember watching "The Battle of the Sexes" on MTV, then this one dating show called "Taildaters" also on MTV. But eventually I knocked out watching the dating show. (It was about like 8:30 when I knocked out.) I then woke up and jacked Jaime's blanket on the sofabed. Jaime was washing up, but he was cool with it. I would have went to my lounge chair bed, but I was too tired to get out of bed, and move, so I just stayed there. Jaime got out and I was going to get off, but he insisted on me sleeping there, so I did. So after Jaime and I played musical beds, I knocked out, along with everyone else(9:00?), or so I thought. I wake up like 20 minutes or so and I see Rosa and Linda in front of the T.V. (Jaime was also awake watching it with them from his bed, but I didn't know) browsing through channels, until Linda stopped on a movie that was being shown called "Overboard." I heard her describe it to Rosa, and her saying it was one of her favorite movies, then I knocked out. I woke up again to see Rosa and Linda go to their room. I get out of the bed to use the restroom, and then Henry sees me awake. He soon knocks out. I return and get in bed, but it was so freaking hot because the fire was going, and the heater was on, and I kicked off my blanket a little. I go to sleep and then I wake up again in the middle of the night because I was freaking hot. I wake up only to find that someone had covered me with blankets again. (turned out to be Rosa) I drink some water and then go back to sleep.
I wake up, only to find Jaime all ready awoken. I was freaking cold now, because the fire died out and like it felt like the heater wasn't working. So I just lied in bed, curled up in a fetal position trying to warm up. I then hear the water running and clinging and clanging going on and take a peak at the kitchen. There stood Candy conquering Mount Dishpile!!! She woke up and spent the whole morning washing the dishes that was left over from last night. It took her a while too. (That is why Candy is god!) I got up and gave Candy a hug because she saved me from the dishes! Linda comes out of her room and just says, "Man, I'm sore everywhere!" Anthony went to take a shower. (HOT WATER JACKER!!!) Then after Ant got out, Jaime went to take one. After Jaime came out, all refreshed, then I decided to take one as well. So i turn on the water, and put my hand under the water supply. I waited for it to get warm, it didn't even begin to. So after like 3 minutes if waiting for hot water, I gave up and went back and complained about no hot water. Candy was like, "I know...I have been washing these dishes in cold water for the past I don't know how long." Jaime then says, "I know, I was left taking a cold shower like in the middle of it. Which leaves Anthony, who took all the hot water. Hence, Hot Water Jacker!!! Anyways, Candy finished doing dishes, and I helped her put them away. Then I made Hot Cocoa for everyone, and then went to watch T.V. They were watching Rugrats, and then SPONGEBOB SQAREPANTS!! (Look a Giraffe!! *Spongebob laugh*) After watching an episode about Crabby Patties, everyone got hungry, so I went to the kitchen and started making the omlettes. Noticing that we still had like sandwich supplies in the fridge, and nothing else but just the omlette, I made sandwiches for everyone on the side. Then it was time to eat. The omlettes were good if I do say so myself, and we watched "Dogma." (Or finished watching Dogma) After clearing the table, and not doing the dishes, this old ghetto, 80's teen movie called "License to Drive" came on, and we all decided to watch it. So we all sat down on the sofabed(Jaime and me), loveseat(Rosa and Linda), footstool(Linda at first then Henry), dinner chairs(Henry), lounge chair(Anthony), and steps near the heater(Candy). Candy then decides to go to sleep. Henry decides to take a shower, right when I was going to. I let him go first, and decided to take one after the movie. Everyone was dead. Like 3/4 into the movie I finally decide to take a shower and I do. It was cool. I felt all refreshed after that. And as I came out, I see Anthony bringing the bell upstairs again to wake up Candy. (Candy got him back yesterday) He rings it, and I think Henry records it. After finsihing the movie, then we started packing up. Got everything together and loaded up the car. It was now time to leave out little cabin that we called home for the weeked. We took off, and headed home. We reach the mountan and start going downhill. Anthony sees people playing in the snow and then he decides to pull over on the side and have one last moment in the show before we go home. We got out of the car, and just stand and watch other people in the snow, and talk for a while. Then we head off again. (That was a waste of time) We go onto the freeway, and this is when I start dozing off, and waking up again. I like wake up at the right moments. Ant gets on the 30 freeway and doesn't know which one to take, so he asks me and I am awake that time to tell him San Bernardino, not Redlands. Then I doze off again and wake up to see him take the 215 freeway, and he tells me to look at the Thomas Guide to see if we could head home this way. We could. Then I doze off again and awake to see this Lexus who didn't have enough space to cut in front of Anthony, try to cut in, almost hitting Ant's car. Ant swurved out of the way, so he wouldn't hit and honked his horn for a really long time. This woke up Linda and Rosa and scared them as well. And that bastard still cuts in front of Anthony. Oh well. After that, the ride home was pretty peaceful. We finally reach Ant's house. We have to wait for Jaime. Ant brings his stuff inside, Linda and Rosa bring their stuff to Linda's car. They have a drive to Riverside coming up. (which is kinda gay because we just passed by it going back from Big Bear) Jaime comes, and delivers Henry and Candy. I unload my stuff from his car into Ant's and so does Candy. Henry brings his stuff into his car. Jaime goes home to sleep. Ant, Candy, Henry, Rosa, Linda, and I stay a while and chat. Then Ant takes me and Candy home. Linda and Rosa leave when we do, and Henry stays at Ant's for a while, but goes home soon. (He goes to Irvine) I finally unload and then go online, waiting for Ant to wake up because we are suppose to go play CS. It eventually falls, and we end up not going. Later on like at midnight, I start talking to people online, and talk to Truong. Haven't seen that foo in a long time, so I ask him if he wants to go shoot pool with the homies when he comes back on Friday to visit. He agrees, and I start inviting people, plus inviting people to go snowboarding for the 50th Anniversary. ($20 all day lift tickets) I invite Ant to go shoot pool for Truong's thing, but I forgot to add "Friday" so he thinks I mean now, so we go shoot pool. Since we do have that bet going. So we go and I lose to that fucker. I am now down 14-1. I was down 5-1. 9 Freaking games and not one win!! GAY!! And that was how my weekend ended.
P.S. Thanks guys for a most memorable weekend, and winter vacation memory. It was a lot of fun, and it was pretty good to get away from my life, even if just for a while. You people are the bestest! It's really cool how even though we graduated and all headed our seperate ways, that we still find time to chill and hang out. Thanks for the painful and fun snowboarding trip! You guys are the bestest!
Thursday, January 09, 2003
Happy Birthday to you, Karen Chong!!! Hey there Karen, well, what can I say. It's been four years since I met ya? I think this is the fifth? Oh well, well I have seen ya grow, not literally because when I met you, you were already so tall, but yeah, like I seen ya when you were in the 8th grade...at Columbine. (actually Columbia...same difference) I saw you at your ghetto Graduation, and like was standing behind your mom and the balloons that she got for you were hitting me on the head throughout the commencement, and now you are a senior in high school. Turned the big 1-8. You are semi-legal now, just like the rest of us. I still remember the first day we met, it was Halloween 1998. Candy brought Sandy, Jennifer, and you over to my house and stuff. I still remember when I let you gurls in, you looked at me and flashed a smile. Haha. My memory works in strange ways, but yeah, since that day we have been friends, and you have always kicked my butt in everything. CS, pool, etc. You have been a cool friend. Thanks for your friendship. Happy Birthday -=BbySmlez119=-!!(or however your CS nickname looks like)
Went out with my fellow infamous 518 Clan members to play CS. (This time OuchGurl518 o_O[Candy] is MIA...she had to work...aww) After about 3 hours of getting my butt whipped, we then decided to go out to eat. We went to Sunday Cafe, and recieved horrible service. The waitress gave lotta attitude. Then we went to shoot pool. First we played teams and Niceboi518 >_<(me) and yOyObOi518 +_+(Jaime) lost twice to Coolboi518 ^_^(Anthony) and BadBoi -_-(Henry) twice. We then played singles, and Coolboi beat me. Then yOyObOi beat BadBoi. I lost to Coolboi by hitting the 8-ball in, and then Coolboi beat yOyObOi. I decided to make a bet between Coolboi and myself. Best out of 51(first to 26) wins the bet of $50. We played one lsat time, and the result was Niceboi losing again. So the score is now Coolboi 3, Niceboi 0 But there is a comeback in the rising. Today was just not my day...gamewise.
Went out with my fellow infamous 518 Clan members to play CS. (This time OuchGurl518 o_O[Candy] is MIA...she had to work...aww) After about 3 hours of getting my butt whipped, we then decided to go out to eat. We went to Sunday Cafe, and recieved horrible service. The waitress gave lotta attitude. Then we went to shoot pool. First we played teams and Niceboi518 >_<(me) and yOyObOi518 +_+(Jaime) lost twice to Coolboi518 ^_^(Anthony) and BadBoi -_-(Henry) twice. We then played singles, and Coolboi beat me. Then yOyObOi beat BadBoi. I lost to Coolboi by hitting the 8-ball in, and then Coolboi beat yOyObOi. I decided to make a bet between Coolboi and myself. Best out of 51(first to 26) wins the bet of $50. We played one lsat time, and the result was Niceboi losing again. So the score is now Coolboi 3, Niceboi 0 But there is a comeback in the rising. Today was just not my day...gamewise.
Wednesday, January 08, 2003
Happy Birthday to Jenifer Luong. My pimp mommy turns 19 on this joyous day! Wow, you're 19. We have gone though so much crap throughout the years that we have known eachother. You have been a cool friend to hand around with and get to know. Although you are so close and local, we don't see much of eachother...we do have our arguements and disagreements, but we get through them, and our friendship was still intact. You are a great friend and I am lucky to have gotten to known you. Happy 19th Birthday Jeni!!!
Happy 51st Birthday to My True Father...Nick Chang. I know you aren't going to read this dad, but I just gotta type out how i feel. Through your 51 years, I have been a part of 14, almost 15 years of it. It doesn't seem like much, but without someone like you pushing me to do my best and basically be like a father-figure, wait scratch that, a father in my life, I do not think I would have made it this far. You have been the father that my biological father never was to me. Granted that we don't see too much of eachother and some days I am in a pissy mood and like shun off everyone including you, to have had many father/son talks, but just having your presence and the love that you generated was enough to get me though school, life, and anything else. Who needs that good for nothing low-life, when I have a great father like you. I know we don't express our emotions and feelings in this family, and maybe that is why I am typing all this out on my blogger, a place where you will never see it, but you truly are the greatest dad that I have ever had. Family has always been a big issue for me. I always wanted a close family, or at least one that I could talk with...that was never the case with this family. But despite the reality of our family, or lack there of, you have taken me in when I was only 4 years old, and taken care of me, but mainly, you treated me as if I was one of your own. As hard as my adolescense was for me and for you, I pulled through it and here I stand, with your love and support, a strong, opinionated, 18 year old who has a bit of you inside of me. There are no words that can express my gratitude for you. You have been my role model, and the person that I looked up to, even though we had our rough times. I don't think there is any amount of money, or gifts that can be given to show how thankful I am towards you. I love you, and I just wanted to say Happy Birthday, DAD!!! You have been my one and only true father. Thank you!
Happy 51st Birthday to My True Father...Nick Chang. I know you aren't going to read this dad, but I just gotta type out how i feel. Through your 51 years, I have been a part of 14, almost 15 years of it. It doesn't seem like much, but without someone like you pushing me to do my best and basically be like a father-figure, wait scratch that, a father in my life, I do not think I would have made it this far. You have been the father that my biological father never was to me. Granted that we don't see too much of eachother and some days I am in a pissy mood and like shun off everyone including you, to have had many father/son talks, but just having your presence and the love that you generated was enough to get me though school, life, and anything else. Who needs that good for nothing low-life, when I have a great father like you. I know we don't express our emotions and feelings in this family, and maybe that is why I am typing all this out on my blogger, a place where you will never see it, but you truly are the greatest dad that I have ever had. Family has always been a big issue for me. I always wanted a close family, or at least one that I could talk with...that was never the case with this family. But despite the reality of our family, or lack there of, you have taken me in when I was only 4 years old, and taken care of me, but mainly, you treated me as if I was one of your own. As hard as my adolescense was for me and for you, I pulled through it and here I stand, with your love and support, a strong, opinionated, 18 year old who has a bit of you inside of me. There are no words that can express my gratitude for you. You have been my role model, and the person that I looked up to, even though we had our rough times. I don't think there is any amount of money, or gifts that can be given to show how thankful I am towards you. I love you, and I just wanted to say Happy Birthday, DAD!!! You have been my one and only true father. Thank you!
Tuesday, January 07, 2003
Song That I am feeling...
98 Degrees - Invisible Man
You can hardly wait to tell all your friends
How his kisses taste sweet like wine
And how he always makes your heart skip a beat
Every time he walks by
And if you're feeling down, he'll pick you up
He'll hold you close when you're making love
He's everything you've been dreaming of (oh, baby)
I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you, all I am is the invisible man
You probably spend hours on the phone
Talking 'bout nothing at all (talking 'bout nothing at all)
It doesn't matter what the conversation
Just as long as he called
Lost in a love so real and so sincere
You wipe away each other's tears
Your face lights up whenever he appears
I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you, all I am is the invisible man
(You don't see me)
I see you all the time, baby
(You don't see me)
The way you look at him
(You don't see me)
I wish it was me, sweetheart
Boy, I wish it was me
But I guess it'll never be
I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you, all I am is the invisible man
You can hardly wait to tell all your friends
How his kisses taste sweet like wine
And how he always makes your heart skip a beat
Every time he walks by
And if you're feeling down, he'll pick you up
He'll hold you close when you're making love
He's everything you've been dreaming of (oh, baby)
I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you, all I am is the invisible man
You probably spend hours on the phone
Talking 'bout nothing at all (talking 'bout nothing at all)
It doesn't matter what the conversation
Just as long as he called
Lost in a love so real and so sincere
You wipe away each other's tears
Your face lights up whenever he appears
I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you, all I am is the invisible man
(You don't see me)
I see you all the time, baby
(You don't see me)
The way you look at him
(You don't see me)
I wish it was me, sweetheart
Boy, I wish it was me
But I guess it'll never be
I wish you'd look at me that way
Your beautiful eyes looking deep into mine
Telling me more than any words could say
But you don't even know I'm alive
Baby, to you, all I am is the invisible man
I was bored and decided to take a few quizzes....
Take the What Sex Position Are You? test by Ley Ley


What
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.
Sorry Phimy...no Milhouse =Þ I got Krusty the Clown, but I had to show Ralph...he's the best and just look how dumb he is! "GO BANANA!!!" "It tastes like BURNING!!!"

What
cartoon dog are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.
Quiz taken at Colorgenics
You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realization of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will.
You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.
You need a friend - a close friend - and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be somewhat argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict - since this might reduce your prospects of realizing your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.
You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You vehemently resist any form of pressure from outside sources, insisting on your independence as an individual. You want to be a decision maker - to make up your own mind without interference. You wish to be able to draw your own conclusions and arrive at your own decisions. You detest uniformity and mediocrity as you want to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions. Your favourite expression could well be that 'I may not always be right but I am never wrong'. You're a perfectionist and even though you may feel that the other person's point of view may be right, you find it extremely difficult to admit that you could be wrong.
You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationsip.
You are completely worn out and you are not in the mood for any further demands on your resources. The situation - such as it is - has rendered you quite helpless, unable to continue the mental battle that you have been pursuing for some considerable time. Enough is enough. All you would like to do now would be to have some time for yourself, to find a peaceful situation where you can recuperate in your own time.
Wow..this is almost accurate....it is surprisingly true(most of it)...you should try this out...
Take the What Sex Position Are You? test by Ley Ley


What
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

What
cartoon dog are you?
Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.
Quiz taken at Colorgenics
You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realization of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will.
You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.
You need a friend - a close friend - and you are willing to become emotionally involved with the right person, but you are very demanding and particular in your choice of partners. You are constantly looking for reassurance and it is perhaps because of this that you tend to be somewhat argumentative, but you try to hold back - careful to avoid open conflict - since this might reduce your prospects of realizing your hopes of establishing a warm caring relationship.
You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You vehemently resist any form of pressure from outside sources, insisting on your independence as an individual. You want to be a decision maker - to make up your own mind without interference. You wish to be able to draw your own conclusions and arrive at your own decisions. You detest uniformity and mediocrity as you want to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions. Your favourite expression could well be that 'I may not always be right but I am never wrong'. You're a perfectionist and even though you may feel that the other person's point of view may be right, you find it extremely difficult to admit that you could be wrong.
You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationsip.
You are completely worn out and you are not in the mood for any further demands on your resources. The situation - such as it is - has rendered you quite helpless, unable to continue the mental battle that you have been pursuing for some considerable time. Enough is enough. All you would like to do now would be to have some time for yourself, to find a peaceful situation where you can recuperate in your own time.
Wow..this is almost accurate....it is surprisingly true(most of it)...you should try this out...
Saturday, January 04, 2003
I'm exceptionally artistic!
Find your soul type at kelly.moranweb.com.
Hasn't anyone ever told you that you're artistic? Fair enough. Perhaps they haven't. But now that you know, you must become one with your inner self.
Virtues: You look for immense creativity and individuality in people, including yourself. You're not happy with anything less than brilliant, and you focus on being expressive. You value energy, liveliness, and upbeat personalities, but you're not supportive of moodiness when you yourself can be unreliably moody. Seeking activity, you like the bustle of business but need the secluded atmosphere of a studio or private corner.
Aspirations: You feel the need to express your talents, whether it be through writing, drawing, singing, dancing, composing, performing, or photographing. While you strive to ever improve your work, you want to display it as soon as possible when your impatience kicks in. You want to be a prodigy but you might not have the means right at your fingertips. Trust me, do NOT move to New York to do it. Yeesh!
Quirks: Conformists bother you because of their lack of individuality. You're often late or unreliable. You're showy and refuse to share the spotlight. You only tell little white lies. You worm your way into the hearts of others, but be careful; some people despise the show-offs.
Factors: Surround yourself with activity and you'll always have material to work with. Involve friends and family in your projects so they don't feel like envious outsiders.
Future: Show business or not, you'll settle down happily if you're among those who appreciate your natural talents and desire to perform. Don't stay in one place too long, and don't be too hasty in defining your relationships. Who are you to judge what only time will tell?
Indie Films I Want to See:
Punch Drunk Love
Max
Bowling for Columbine
The Hours
The Emperor's Club
Far From Heaven
Evelyn
Tadpole
About Schmidt
Mainstream Movies I Want to See:
Chicago
Gangs of New York
Catch Me If You Can
This movie hit close to home...I could understand a little about what Antwone Fisher was experiencing, but he experienced much more and worse. It was good how he found his family and everything. It seems like I am trying to discover myself, and trying to find my family. I have this huge gap that needs to be filled up with a family. The only difference is that I have my family right next to me. They are here, I see them everyday of my life..but then why do I still feel empty?!?!?!
Today was very exciting. Today I spent most of my time out...which is a miracle, but I am living up to what I want to accomplish. Be more social, and go out more. Well, the day started with me going to the movies with my mother, grandmother, and brother. We saw Antwone Fisher. After the movie, Lena had a party, and invited me to go. Personally, I would not have gone, but since I want to be more socialible, and to go out more, I decided to go. Well, when I went there with my brother, I saw my Indie Buddies there and spent the whole time with them and other people upstairs in Lena's room. It was cool spending time with Phimy, Pauline, Hao, Chi, Linda, and Anna. We decided to leave the party early, but not after spending some time eating cake and chatting downstairs. My brother left, and I did not want to go home yet, so I went with Phimy, Pauline, and Hao. We went to Little Hut(corrected by Pauline...thanks buddy) and they showed me their sanctuary. They had their pictures on the wall, framed, blown up, etc. It was really cozy. The decor was cool, very comfortable. I like it, so I think I shall transfer from Lollicup/Tapioca Express to Little(Tea) Hut. Just maybe, well I probably will if I hang out with my Indie Buddies more often.
After getting a smoothie and chatting some more, we decided to go browse through Hollywood. We went to Amoeba (a music store...a gigantic music store) and looked at CD's for a while. Pauline wanted to find all the CD's released by Nine Days, hao was just browing, and I was trying to find Eyedea. Nine Day was pretty much all gone, and Eyedea was not there. Grrr... but we are going to go back some other time. We then went to Hollywood and Highland and went to a place that sells tourist maps to the stars homes. We browsed through it and looked at the many maps and stuff. In the end we finally decided to buy one and Pauline and I memorized the addresses to the Brady Bunch House and the Happy Days House. After we got our tourist map, we drove to see the Brady's house. When we got there we were going to take a picture of us standing in front of it. It was so cool. It was like seeing the house that we grew to love in the Brady Bunch T.V. Show. Hao and I were up first, but like there were people taking a walk, so like we freaked and like pretended we lost our cat..."Meow Meow"...haha..when the people were far enough away, Hao and I went back and Pauline took our picture in front of the Brady Bunch house. Then Pauline and Phimy posed and Hao took their picture. We then returned home. And that was the day that I would like to call The Miscapades of Pham, Phi, Hao, and Me.
Thursday, January 02, 2003
This year I plan to actually make some resolutions and be willing and try my best to keep them. Many people are like "Why make resolutions? You're only going to break them.." Well if you try to keep it, and have the will power to do it, then you won't break it. I want to make a difference as well, so my resolutions will be long term. Lately, I have been feeling empty, especially during these holiday seasons, so I would like to make a difference in my community. Just a little thing would do. Here goes...
New Year Resolutions 2003
1) Try to start a charity for the people of South El Monte, mainly for the people struggling with money and to give the children a Christmas...(I don't know if this will play out, but any little thing will do. I am going to find sponsors and also hold fund raisers throughout the year...that is a lot of work...)
2) Create a Caroling Program for a cause, I just don't know what the cause is yet...
3) Lose weight, exercise more, etc. (The thing that is on mostly everyone's resolution list)
4) Study more, meaning less T.V. (It's okay to miss your shows sometiems. You don't have to watch it everytime it comes on...) and STOP PROCRASTINATING!!!
5) 4.0 G.P.A. for the Spring and Fall Semesters of 2003. (hopefully this resolution will be the result of my previous one)
Now with these resolutions, there are also the little things that have got to be done as well. I want to be happier this year, so I think I have a lot of things that I need closure on. That and I also need an attitide change on how I handle things. I am too nice, and I am being told that I cannot always be the nice guy. They do finish last. Well I just have to change...Here are some of things for my New Year, New Start outlook...
-Write Letters to...(On my paper I have the people listed, and with what I am suppose to write to them about. I forget, so I had to write it down.)
-Buy STAMPS for all these letters...
-Call People to Keep in Touch and for other reasons....(yet again, another list)
-Watch more Indie Films(now that I have Film Buddies)
-Try to go out more and meet new friends. (Be more socialible)
-Redecorate my room and pictures
-Buy a camera, so I can be able to take more pictures of friends and social events, etc.
1) Try to start a charity for the people of South El Monte, mainly for the people struggling with money and to give the children a Christmas...(I don't know if this will play out, but any little thing will do. I am going to find sponsors and also hold fund raisers throughout the year...that is a lot of work...)
2) Create a Caroling Program for a cause, I just don't know what the cause is yet...
3) Lose weight, exercise more, etc. (The thing that is on mostly everyone's resolution list)
4) Study more, meaning less T.V. (It's okay to miss your shows sometiems. You don't have to watch it everytime it comes on...) and STOP PROCRASTINATING!!!
5) 4.0 G.P.A. for the Spring and Fall Semesters of 2003. (hopefully this resolution will be the result of my previous one)
Now with these resolutions, there are also the little things that have got to be done as well. I want to be happier this year, so I think I have a lot of things that I need closure on. That and I also need an attitide change on how I handle things. I am too nice, and I am being told that I cannot always be the nice guy. They do finish last. Well I just have to change...Here are some of things for my New Year, New Start outlook...
-Write Letters to...(On my paper I have the people listed, and with what I am suppose to write to them about. I forget, so I had to write it down.)
-Call People to Keep in Touch and for other reasons....(yet again, another list)
-Watch more Indie Films(now that I have Film Buddies)
-Try to go out more and meet new friends. (Be more socialible)
-Redecorate my room and pictures
-Buy a camera, so I can be able to take more pictures of friends and social events, etc.

