I'm Chandler Bing from Friends!

Take the Friends Quiz here.

created by stomps.






Could this BE anymore true? I got my favorite Friends character, though I would have thought I would have gotten Monica, since I cook a lot, but Oh wellz...I'll take Chan-da-ler Bing...eh heh heh heh heh....my Bing-a-ling!!

I need to learn how to open up and communicate. I don't like the fact that I hold everything in. And I probably have a lot of people who are there for me (at least that's what they always tell me) and willing to listen when I am ready to open up, but the problem is, I don't know what to say or how to start. Every single day it is eating me up inside, yet everyday I put on my happy face and pretend that everything is peachy keen. People see me smile and tell me, "It's good to see ya smiling..." or "Glad to have the happy Johnson back..." It is all an act and it just gets harder and harder by the passing day, hour, minute. When is this suppose to get easier? I haven't been going to school for like the past 2 weeks, and didn't go yesterday either. I am messing up so much, but I can't handle everything. I have so many emotions that I don't know how I am feeling. My brother is an annoying @$$ and he keeps bugging me. I hate living at home...and now I can't tell Roy about the stupid shyet that is bugging me. He was always there to listen.

I am really mad that I can't open up. I have had so many chances to, but I still hid my feelings. Yesterday, Toaster and I were talking online, and like we were both doing miserable...I told her that I wanted to talk to her and mUnKi about everything, but couldn't...and mUnKi felt she was weak throughout this whole ordeal...we are all breaking down...I just decided to sign off. Toaster decided to drop by South El Monte, and she went to mUnKi's house. She called me to go over, so I did. Here was my chance...just the three of us...Toaster, mUnKi, and me, but waht happened? Nothing. I just went back to "shut up" mode. Toaster and mUnKi were there talking about stuff, and at least attempting to let out some feelings, but I just sat there, lied there, doing nothing but listening. You should have seen or heard what was running through my head. It was as if I was a part of the conversation, a part of the healing, but it was just in my head. I was just a lost soul, a rock. And I am really pissed off that I can't do or say anything, even when the opportunity is right in front of my face...Roy mang, I Miss Ya!.....out of words......

Too much ish has been going on lately and has prevented me from updating...that plus the fact that I don't feel like it pretty much sums it up.

So people have been getting older since my last update...Let's take a few lines to wish them a Happy Birthday!!!

~!~April 10~!~
Steffy Dang: Wowsers!!! You're 18 now!!! Finally legal! It isn't much of a thrill huh? Anyways, hope you have fun, and sorry that I didn't get a chance to tell you Happy Birthday sooner. I was so wrapped up with my own stuff that I forgot to call you. I know it is no excuse but I am sorry. We have gone through a lot. I can still picture it as if it were yesterday that you and me were talking on AIM and like just talking. We used to talk about everything and anything. And I still remember being so surprised when you told me that you liked me. We have had a history...and that still ahsn't prevented us from being friends. Although I do miss our talks and stuff, life goes on, and so have we. We are different people now than we were in the past. I am grateful to meet a person like you. You have been a breath of fresh air in my congested life, and I thank you for everything that you have done for me and just being there. Seen you at Magic Mountain and when we went to watch Rent. You're a great friend. And I treasure every moment we shared and never regret meeting ya that one day on CheetaChat...

~!~April 12~!~
Van Ho: known you since freshman year. It was kinda weird cuz we didn't really talk, and I remember in summer school, you gave me this who the fuck are you? look when I tried to befreind you. It was all cool though. (I think that is the reason why I didn't talk to you much in high school...haha) But it was also weird that you would become one of my and the rest of the homies good friend...brother, considering that you kicked it with Greg and Edwin back in the day. Haha...then you do some stupid shyet like move away, but it was still cool cuz we still kept in touch. We have gone through a lot of ish together and you have been a really cool friend. You always put up with the shyet that I always tease you about...mainly about Julie, haha, but what kinda friends would we be if we didn't bag on eachother. And I know that when I get a g/f your ass is going to be teasing me when I get whipped...Your sites kick ass and you are one of the other OG Lyrical Gangstas..the other being me..haha...but yeah, thanks for coming into my life and being a kick @$$ friend. Happy Birthday Van...we celebrate like Brothers, cuz that is what you are to us...

~!~April 15~!~
John Truong: Sup dawg, you have been one of my best friends for the longest time. Known you since 4th grade, but it wasn't til 5th grade that we became the closest and coolest homies. I still remember we would bring our CD walkmans to school and You had the Boyz II Men CD and I had the All 4 One CD and we would switch and listen to it during recess. That was back in the day. You and I were best friends for many years, and I still consider you one of my best. It was always Truong, Roy, you and me...Remember in GATE(5th Grade), when we were doing the Renaissance thing, and we had to choose guilds to join, Roy and Truong joined the Archers with many people, but you and I chose to be Craftsmen and we were the only two people in that guild? That was hard work, but it was tight. I went to you for so much stuff, and I still remember for summer school you and I got posterboard and made posters for our presentation on Tobacco for Health and Safety. Those days were fun. You have been a great friend over the years. And now you are 19...just like me...I have always respected you although I am older by 13 days. I envied you, I wanted to be you, but there can only be one of you. You're always there to make me laugh, even though you don't look like the person who acts like a dumbass. We have good times and memories...Happy 19th Birthday man! Hopefully we can keep in touch and kick it and spend many more together....

Enough mushy stuff for y'all? Get over it...Homies for life...even when it doesn't seem like it...but now on a sadder note...April 14th is the one month since the incident happened. It can't be a freaking month all ready...that shyet came too quick...Still can't believe that he is gone, but in order to honor him and to celebrate his life, we had a dinner with his family. We all gathered at Roy's house and like ordered food and ate. Roy, you are a lucky man. You have everything. We miss you a lot. I miss you. Thao and I are watching over Jessica. We are taking care of her and watching her grow like you would want her. She is a strong, mature young woman. And we see a lot of you in her. One month, two months, one year, one hundred years...it doesn't matter. Time cannot take you away from our hearts...That is where you forever stay. I envied you, wanted to be like you, as well...I looked up to you as well. I still do. You will forever be my brother, and I will continue to go to for advice and to tell you all the ish going on in my life. Just to get to hear "Everything will be all right..." Forever be in our hearts...

Message I posted on April 14 on Roy's Site Messageboard...

Hey Roy...
Ya know today is the One Month since the incident happened. Can't believe that you are not here with us physically for one whole month. Time passes by so damn quick. 24 hours are not enough. Why doesn't time just stay still? As you can see, Joi put her time effort and love for you...we all care and miss you. But this site shouldn't even be here...nor should the badminton tournament...you know Roy...Things just aren't the same now. I still picture everything in my head...on that day...i still see everything so clearly...everytime i think to myself..that this isn't happening, but everyday i realize that it did. It just really sucks...I am pissed off...sad...confused..frustrated...I don't know what to do. I try to live my life normally, but it isn't normal without you. It's hard to pretend that everything is all right...I still wonder why I was the last person that had contact with you. Why it was me who was there with you..and why it was me who made it to shore...Everyone says it wasn't my fault, but I still can't see it otherwise...If only I called for help earlier...if only I was a stronger swimmer...if only I knew that you couldn't swim straight back to shore...If only we never went swimming that one day...if only...if only I did something different...maybe you'd be here doing things with Thao..going out with the homies...School and everything else just seems so useless...you work so hard, and it all jsut gets taken away from you...you are a much better person than I will ever be, yet this happens and it is unfair. I remember that you would always be there for me...I'd tell you my ish, and you'd put away your ish to help me. It would go both ways...I'd do the same for you...everytime something happened in my life, you were always there. And you were always there to tell me "Everything would be all right." And for some reason, even if I knew it wouldn't, that always seemed to calm me down. The reality of things just slap me in my face, because I have been acting like everything was normal, and I know you would want me to continue to live my life, but it's too hard. I am able to look people in their eyes now, but I still see that I let them down...Thao, Jessica, Chen, Candy, Joi, Joanne, your parents, family, cousins, homies, friends, etc. They are all so strong...and I am so weak... I know that they are all there for me. I jsut don't think I am ready to let out how I'm feeling and stuff. I know when I am, I'll probably tell Thao and Jessica first. Just hide everything...One Month...how can this be? I miss you man...I know we haven't been all buddy buddy since high school and stuff, but we all had different things going on, and if you needed anything, I'd do whatever I could to help, and If I needed anything, you'd do whatever you could to help me regardless of how close we were at the moment. You were one of the brothers taht I never had. It was a real kick in the ass at the funeral...It can't be you in there...I can't think anymore...dunno what else to type...Everything I typed here, everyone all ready knows...can't let out any more...Joi's depiction of you on the "Growing Up" section is true...the puzzle pieces...You are the missing piece of the puzzle...I am never whole again...none of us are...

School begins and Spring Break is now over. Lately I haven't been in the school feeling. Everything just seems so worthless nowadays. You work and work your butt off, and for what? Only to have everything that you have worked so hard for be taken away from you in a damn moment. I have yet to talk...yet to even acknowledge that the moment really existed. But as I live my life..the reality of things slap me in my face as if to scream "Wake up stupid!" I guess you could say that I am getting better, but not by much. I still relive that horrid day...March 14, 2003...practically every day...I have nightmares about it. Things that you don't even want to think of. The thing that keeps me going...Friends. Friends being there for you and just understanding that I am not ready to talk. Friends that just accept you and how you are feeling and try to get your mind off of things, but things like this shall never be forgotten. It will always linger in the back of our minds. The day that we forget..is the day that we truly lost him. I see people...they are so strong...I look in the mirror and see a worthless person standing there...just here to take up space and precious air...air that could have been for him.

Sunday, I went to Julie's BBQ thing just so I didn't have to be home...be at a place that is so horrible for me, a place that is suppose to be a sanctuary, but instead is a hellhole. I went there and got cake and stayed with Van for a bit. At 10, we had to leave, so I left and went out with Evelyn to Applebee's. We ate and talked, and played "sugars." The score was 2-2. I have been trying to go out and stay busy...keep my resolution and be more social....even in these hard times. (Juju, you'd be proud of me.) It was okay...still didn't open up....
Today, after the SEMHS Choir Concert, I took Liz home. (Diana's sister) After, I went home and Tiffany called me. Decided to go to Cold Stone and get some ice cream..yum yum...picked her up and got some kick @$$ ice cream. Then went to Starbucks and met up two of her friends. They work at M1 Autobody on Ramona and Peck. (Kinda coincidental, because Roy got his car fixed there after he got into an accident. He got his Carbon Fiber hood and wing there...*sigh*) Went home after they wanted to go to arcade and play games...talked a little, but didn't open up...Had fun though Fish Sauce....
Had a good talk with Thao...on the phone...while driving...the both of us...hehe. We talked about a few things...just a few things to give her peace of mind and stuff...still nothing great or spectacular on opening up, but hey, gotta start somewhere...when I do feel like openeing up, I would think it would be to Thao and Jessica first...Everything is so damn hard now...I don't know how you all do it....

Lately, I have been going out alot. Trying to get my mind off of things, but of course they always come back...I had two "In Loving Memory of Roy Ken Lee" Car Stickers that John La gave me, but I don't know where they went...I know I don't have a car, but still the point was I had two...Thinking back....I wish I could have said my eulogy or just a few more words at the funeral. I wanted to go up and talk, and was ready but then the minister began talking and I guess that was the start of the service...I wish I would have went up there...now I can't...I guess I will just say waht I gotta say on his website...whenever I am ready...I hold everything in..I have to...I got to...

One of the things that pissed me off but it was also a kick in the @$$ was when the minister said the word..."drowned." It was the first time someone "labeled" the situation. It was the first time I heard it come out of someone's mouth...no one would say it...I guess they didn't want it to be true...I carriend the casket..."It can't be him in there..." J.T. patted me on the back..."It's all right man..." We watch as he is being buried...J.T. breaks down. First time in a long time you see him cry...I have seen him shed a few tears before, but never in a long time...it is the realization that this stupid shit is happening...so many things I want to say....so many things I need to say....so many things I hold back..."It's not your fault...." Everyday I wonder.....

Happy Birthday to my April 2nd peepz...

Jessica Wang: Hey there buddy. I remember meeting you back in the day when you was a lil kid and still at gay Dana Middle School. We haven't exactly been the best of friends nor have we kept in touch in the years in between, but if we saw eachother, then we would talk, chill and have a good time...It is strange to see you as a Senior in high school now...We just keep getting older. It is really trippy. I am glad that I got to know you and talk to you. I don't know much about you, but I do know that you are a very cool person to hang around with, and you are a great person. I cherish our friendship. Just take cares and have a happy 18...you're legal now!!!

Ana Nguyen: Holy Shyet!! You're 18 as well...You are freaking legal as well!!! Damn, I still remember when J.V. liked you and like he sent you a candy gram thing back in Shively. My how the years pass, and I still remember us being in Biology 7th Period together. That was pretty fun..huh Kiki..hehe...anyways just wanted to wish you happy birthday wishes, cuz we have the best day in the whole year!! Anyways it also been trippy seeing you grow up and everything. I am glad that you are happy and have found someone like Nam. Just stay happy, and yeah. Great to know you as a friend. Wouldn't want it any other way...

April 2nd. The day of the Wake...coincidentally is the same day as my birthday. What fun. It's really ironic how on the same day we are celebrating a birth, yet also mourning a death. Life is messed up... Lately emotions have been taking over..this day came too quick...and lately, I have been trying to play it off as if everything is normal. Not good, because I tried to patch things up with Cindy and Candy, only to have felt useless and worthless. (maybe you were right, Roy, I am useless) And now I think my Giggleberri is mad at me. Life is fucked up... I don't think I can pretend any longer...I want to talk, but I also don't want to...I was never brought up to let out or show my feelings...and the occasion when I did, it was to Roy. Now he is gone, and who will I tell? I know many people say that they are there for me and if I want to talk, they'll be there to listen...but where were you all before this happened? Kinda fucked up to know that it takes something horrible to happen in order for people to be there for you. Life is short... I am mad, sad, frustrated, pissed off, etc. He has so much, yet it doesn't matter. Life could still be taken away from you. He was a much better person than I ever will be, yet his predetermined fate made me outlive him. Life sucks... I have no one to turn to...no family for me...never had family...friends are who I depended on...and now one of my best friends isn't here to say, "Happy Birthday, JC." And I seem to piss friends off even more than they were before, I can't look people in the eyes, because I still see the pain that they are hiding, and I can't help but to think...it is because of me that they hide their emotions. A Birthday just isn't Happy without Roy there to wish me, "Happy Birthday." Life just isn't worth living...